Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Wicked Witches

I finally trudged over to the neighbors last night making sure that the wicked witch of the west wasn’t anywhere to be seen and that her broomstick (car) wasn’t parked out front.

Of course I went over there with the fake request of using space in their garbage can because ours was full. Really I just wanted to talk to Dave to find out – WTF?!? DUDE!?

I started off with my bullshit request which he was like “OH YEA, of course!”

Then I slid right into the heart of the matter. I told him I was sorry to bring something up that I thought was very innocent – I had no idea she would take such offense to it.

Then Dave unloaded what was really going on at home.

Apparently WW (wicked witch) was not pleased that they were splitting up and she’d been awfully needy lately. She has been flipping out in front of everyone including (but not limited to): his father, his mother, her mother, their neighbors, their friends etc etc.

I feel two ways about this:

1. WACKO! Time to spend some time alone honey!
2. AAhhhhwwww – I’m so sorry, this must really suck.

I’m not saying it’s ok to flip out in front of your neighbors and the rest of the free world, but I am saying that “honey I’ve been there.” I have been that crazy, needy, can’t control myself or my mouth kind of girlfriend.

Dave also added that she thought that I had alterior motives with her man. ME! The girl who’s nearly engaged and off the pill trying to have a baby with the love her life. The girl who can’t see hot men anymore because Mr.M has her under spell. ME!?!

I laughed out loud – HARD! I hope Dave wasn’t offended, he’s cute and all – but really that ain’t my bag baby.

She took my statement of offering to babysit or make him dinner as a come on. When Dave asked why in the HELL I would say that in front of basically my fiancé she said it was to make him jealous. Feel free to once again laugh out loud at that one – because really, if I wanted to make Mr.M jealous. I would LEAVE HIM, because what’s the point.

Long story short – we’re going to tiptoe to and from our cars until she’s gone. She thinks I’m after her man and when you’re in that state of mind, ain’t no amount of logical reasoning going to pull you out.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Social Disgrace

Approximately 6 months after we moved into our home a young couple moved in next door. I was excited because they looked like my age. Especially the woman - and the guy introduced himself immediately.

I thought - YAY - I'll get to have a friend next door like I always wanted. Someone who'd have kids at the same time I did and we could take turns carpooling.

I noticed after about the first month that the woman wanted nothing to do with me. The guy, who's name is Dave, told us that she was pregnant, so I thought maybe it was just a pregnancy thing. After she had the baby - I thought SURELY she would want to be my fast friend.

But alas - no.

She would hurry from her car to the house juggling the baby carrier. They were not married - I knew that much. Dave would be so sweet and would inquire about our house renovations. I even invited him in once to take a look at our progress.

I brought over raspberry crisps and cupcakes thinking that I could woo her into being friends with me with my superior baked goods. Still - she would not talk to me.

Then all of a sudden out of the blue she tried to talk to me a few weeks ago. I was delighted, until she told me she was moving out at the beginning of June. How could she try to be my friend now that she was leaving?? It just didn't make sense.

So the other day I was leaving for work and saw Dave. I said "so I hear you're going to be a single man?" to which he replied in a sarcastic tone, "Yea, watch out." Then I offered babysitting services or dinner if he ever needed anything.

Much to my delight they invited us over to sit on the porch tonight. So I went over - Mr.M had already been there about an hour and seemed to be having a nice time. She was so talkative and chatty. I even thought that maybe she had decided not to move out since they seemed so amicable.

So I told her of the story of how I was giving Dave a ribbing the other morning about being the single guy. I told her his response and she laughed and so did I. Cause it was SARCASTIC.

Then we showed them our renovated kitchen and our house. We went back to there porch and she was noticeable quieter but I thought nothing of it.

All of a sudden she lashes out at Dave, "what do you expect me to do right now, just ast embarrassed and pretend that you didn't say what you said" she hissed.

He was obviously taken aback - as we all were and said "what?"

SHe then went into this raving ranting fit of how he's been sleeping around on her since they got pregnant and that he's been bragging about being single since she said she was moving out. Nearly screaming at him right in front of us and the lady next door. I tried to stammer out a response, "oh I'm sure he didn't mean it that way..." but she wasn't having it. AND she was wasted. It was the first time I had realized she had too much to drink.

He just kept saying "I don't know what you're talking about."

She screamed one last retort before leaving us all in stunned silence.

To which I said, "well then... we better be going."

HOLY SHIT PEOPLE - is this the way people act??? Adults?!? I am so utterly mortified by the whole experience. My guts hurt. Did I cause this argument? Did I say something I shouldn't have? They seemed so amicable and he really was sarcastic when he said the whole "watch out" thing.

I feel just awful.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Anybody Over There?

When I made the transition from my old job to my current job there were several things that were glaring differences.

One of the many differences was that I no longer took the 3 hour lunch. Not that I don't want the 3 hour lunch - I really do like sharing a few bottles of wine and not going back to work. Now the work is too insane for me to even leave the office. Sometimes I manage a 15 minute lunch in the back room - most days I miss lunch. I'm ok with this because my work is busy enough for me to forget to eat. That means the day sails by and 5:00 comes much sooner.

Another difference is that I do a lot more work and a lot less socializing. I used to take 2 walks during the day. Both of which were a minimum of 30 minutes a piece. I did this so that me and my coworker Jeff could complain about the witches in the office. We needed it - trust me. We were expected to show up at work and commence with a "coffee clutch" which basically consisted of everyone bitching about their spouses. Except Jeff and I - who refused to bash our loved ones. That of course doesn't happen anymore. The only time spouses come up is if someone asks.

On my first day I encoutered the biggest difference. The deafening silence in the office. If we had crickets, you would hear them. No one plays a radio, no one talks to eachother because everyone is so focused on their computers.

Once in a while I can spice up the office and get people going. Get them to start communicating and bouncing ideas of eachother. Get them to work together and bullshit with eachother. But it is solely my effort that does this. Today - I did an experiment. I came in and said nothing all day. I didn't avoid conversation but I didn't actively start it.

You know what happened???


All day.

Not a word was spoken to any coworker.

GOD these people are introverts.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Fatty McFatterson

Why is it everytime I start working out it makes me feel fat?

WHen I'm not working out - during my sibaticals from the gym - I feel ok, even thin sometimes. Then I think - I should really get back to the gym.

2 weeks into the return to regular workouts and I'm instantly gigantic.


I've gained 4.5 pounds (depending on when I get on the scale sometimes its 6)

My chin has become 2 chins - 1 leeeetle chin and one GIGANTIC jowl right underneath.

My thighs have become tightly squeezed sausages.

The cellolite is also a lovely sight.

It looks like I'm 4 months pregnant in the belly and guess what - I'm not! well errr. not that I know of.

I just think it's totally wrong for you to be rewarded with working out 5 times a week and sweating your balls off with digusting fatness.


Saturday, May 13, 2006


Who me???? Wino??? Surely not.

Ok - wait

Yea probably

Yes Definitely.

So it's 1:30 on Saturday afternoon and I've had approximately 3 or maybe 4 little juice glasses of wine. WHich probably equals 2 regular glasses of wine.

You must be wondering why I'm drinking wine like this on a Saturday afternoon.... well - my only answer can is - because I can.

My weekends are my own - I used to hate this. I used to hate being alone all weekend and Mr.M being away at work. But now ---- I absolutely adoere it. My weekends are like my special, super secret time. If that means I have a half bottle of wine - then YAY!

I've also gotten some clarity on the baby or no baby thing.

We'll be engaged by my birthday in Sept. and married soon after. That time line is still in effect. WHen I brought it up with Mr. M the other day he said - what happened to the engaged by September deadline?? Which gave me the clue that he was still planning on that.

SO - if/when we get pregnant - then so be it. I'm not worried about it. I figure it'll take a good 3 months to a year to get pregnant after 8 years on the pill anyway.

and when that happens....

No more wine on Saturdays. But until then.. cheers!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Out Of Body Experience

We went straight to a restaurant after work today - it was an insane day. When we got there I was fine - I ordered too much as usual. The salad came and I devoured it. THen the entree came and I had one bite and this wave of nausea came over me.

I felt like I was inside my body looking out. LIke my hands were things that I had to really concentrate to move and as if I was peering out of my eyes from 5 feet back. THe moment was surreal and I didn't like it.

There were so many people in the restaurant and it was so loud. I felt like I was being swallowed by all these mouths and voices and people. My skin was not my own. I didn't want to eat another bite and told Mr.M I was feeling crappy.

I feel weird - very weird. I feel like there are so many things I need to feel but I can't feel them. Like I'm not in my own body. I know it has something to do with the going off BCPs and also all of the current things happening in my family right now.

Younger Sis graduated from college last weekend - and is thinking about moving in with her boyfriend.

Older bro is basically parenting his girlfriend's son and he's thinking about marriage and life.

Dad is getting married in 3 months.

Mom is craving a grandchild.

And then there is me. Not really heading in any one direction but I feel like I'm on the verge of the rest of my life. Like my toes are on the edge of the cliff.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Trying Hard Not To Try

I've been distant - I know.

I'm still waiting to hear from the company I was interviewing with on the job. My current employer is readying themselves to match an offer if need be. Regardless they realize if they don't up my pay - I'll continue looking.

Now that's out of the way we can talk about the REAL stuff.

As I mentioned before - I'm off the pill. It's been almost 3 weeks I think - maybe only two. I bled for the first 7 days. I know it's probably subjective but I feel very natural and un-medicated. I feel like I don't have chemicals running through my veins. THe libido is in FULL swing and I constantly have horns. hehehe.

Everytime we have sex we always do the "we should get a condom" game. Except the "we shoulds" end up not building into actually doing it. So - yea I know we're playing with fire - but it's like we're tempting the universe. I know he's really trying to have a child - while I'm passive agressively not trying NOT to.

I know I'm gonna get a whole shit load of hate mail on this one - how I'm so awful for not planning a pregnancy and bringing a child into an un-wed home.

I'm not dealing with the real issues and I know that. Trust me I know that. Everytime we have sex the whole day I think - what the hell are you doing. YOu KNOW you could get pregnant - and who knows I probably already am. I think I'm like most women in that somewhere in the depths of your heart you WANT it to happen. Even though you pee on the stick and you think this can't happen and you say out loud that your freaked you might be pregnant there is a small piece of you that crumbles when you see the negative.

Because - what if.

What if that was your child and what if he/she was the most amazing little being you've ever laid eyes on. WHat if you got to spend mornings in bed cuddled up next to a sleeping beautiful baby that you made with the love of your life. What if that child is meant to be with you and meant to complete your family. What if they have dark curls for hair and blue eyes like their momma or dark pools of depth like their daddy.

I asked my father his opinion tonight and he voiced the fears that I too am holding. Let's say we have a baby - does he think that means that no wedding will be needed? THat's not what I want. I want a wedding - albeit small - I still want one. I don't care if we fly away for a weekend in Las Vegas and just tell the family to meet us there. I don't care if we get married at my friend Jessie's lake home and have a barbeque after. I don't care how it's done - all I want is the dress and my family and my man.