I Am Woman Hear Me Rant!
The daily rantings of a 28 year old corporate woman.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
We went to Ba.bies R' Us last night and made the last purchases that we think we'll need for this babies arrival. $200 later I was having a mild panic attack and our car was filled to capacity.
Something about buying the little essential items really got to me. As if it wasn't real until I purchased bottles or breast milk freezer bags. Like this giant belly I have or the BH contractions were not an effective enough sign that a baby arriving in our home might be imminent. I must be slightly deranged.
Our birthing class met for the last time on Tuesday evening. We learned about bathing, diapering, and very little feeding. Speaking of feeding... I keep having these dreams about breast feeding where my boobs are just gushing milk. It's very weird.
I think I've figured out what to do about the 'work from home' thing. I've decided to take my laptop home every night and forward my desk phone to my cell before I leave. That way if I'm not feeling up to it the next day I just make a call to my boss and let her know that I'll be telecommuting that day. My boss is encouraging me to take set days as well - like Monday's and Friday's and play it by ear Tues - Thurs. We're going to discuss it more on Monday, but let's face it I only have 3 weeks left till I was going to be on maternity leave anyway so it's not like I need to really fret about it.
I should have a new picture this evening when Mr. M gets home for the official 37 week shot. We're going to an early screening of the new Michael Moo.re movie - can't wait!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
High and Tight - or not
We had our midwife appointment for the week yesterday morning at the buttcrack of dawn. Or at least it felt that way, these days I'm sleeping like the dead.
I kept telling Mr. M and the midwife - "I'm just feeling really dizzy."
They were trying to get me to explain the dizziness, and really I couldn't say more than ... dizzy... I just feel dizzy.
So I laid down on the table, naked from the waist down. She did the Strep B test and checked my cervix. WHOA - nobody told me the checking of the cervix would hurt like that!?! I felt like she was elbow deep in my vagina and tugging on my small intestines.
She was explaining to me that the baby is extremely low and that she had to reach around her head to find the opening to the cervix. Which to no ones surprise was completely closed. I didn't expect to have any dilation at 36w4d.
Then we listened to the heartbeat - which is always, by far, my favorite part of every visit. I just feel like she's so STRONG and HEALTHY when I hear that swoosh swoosh swoosh.
The midwife then gives me her arm and helps me to a sitting position. She was explaining something else as I got to sitting and then I kept on going... forward... nearly off the table. I flailed my arms a bit, Mr. M jumped up and she grabbed my other arm. I didn't hit the deck, but I was definitely headed for it.
So, I took the rest of the day off from work, visited my friend and her kids, then took a three hour nap in the afternoon.
To my surprise when I returned to work today - everyone was in a panic. Within 10 minutes of my arrival I was told that they thought I should start working from home, at least a few days a week, leave all my passwords and instructions to anything that I"m working on somewhere that is easily accessible, and that I should start training in a temporary replacement on Monday.
Talk about calling in the troops - sheesh.
Part of me is relieved by this, because I was worried that they were not really preparing for me to be gone for the next three months. The other part of me (the micro-manager part) cringes at the idea of someone else doing my work and doing it sloppily. I had sloppy, and I really hate it when people don't follow the patterns and procedures that I have been. The reason I do the things I do at work are because I've already figured out how to mess it up - and found the best way to NOT mess it up.
So I'm working on "letting go" and trying to focus on me and the new addition to our family. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm valuable and they will want me back in 3 months. I had no idea I'd feel this way. I thought I'd be counting down the days to when I didn't have a 9 to 5 job at a desk.
The one good part of yesterday was hearing from the midwife that I most likely won't be late or needing an induction. I'm trying not to get my heart set on that - as I know I'll be disappointed when July 14th comes and goes, but it does feel good.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Bluffing, I knew she was bluffing
Late in pregnancy ones body has the tendency to play tricks on itself. Maybe it's because I'm in a constant state of awareness, searching for those first signs of labor, maybe I'm really feeling what I'm feeling. It's a toss up at this point.
On Wednesday of this last week I woke up feeling extremely dizzy. Which I attributed to getting out of bed too fast. So I showered and sat down while getting ready to hopefully gain some equilibrium. Then I thought, maybe I just need to eat. So I had some cereal, but still couldn't shake the dizzies. I got to work and started drinking glass after glass of water - as I had read dehydration can sometimes cause dizziness. Still, nothing.
The my midwife's office called to reschedule my next weeks appointment and I asked if they'd transfer me to the nurse line. The nurse was very sweet and suggested I get some protein in my system. She said that if I had a lot of sugar or carbs the previous day and that morning (Thanks Lucky Charms!) that I could be slightly hypo-glycemic (sp?). She told me she'd call back in an hour.
So I ate some unsalted peanuts and had some chipotle (black beans, barbacoa, etc). THEN, my hands started to get tingly and my chest started to hurt. Which freaked me out quite a bit. She called back and I told her the latest. She asked me to come in for a BP check just to make everybody feel better.
I went in for the appointmen, and they couldn't attribute my dizzies to anything really. Other than its been stinkin hot here (90 degrees) and muggy. My BP was 127/70 and I'm notorious for being around 110/70. So I was slightly elevated for my body but definitely nowhere near danger zone as far as averages go.
I just think I can't really tell what my body is doing right now because there are so many little weird things.
Just this week I've experienced the following:
- Tons of flip-flops from the baby
- Hard belly - but not hard muscles, like hard BABY pushing outwards
- Dropping baby - feels like when I relax my stomach/back muscles she drops about 2 inches.
- Twinges in my vagina - like little zings of pain. But not super painful, just like shocks.
- Swollen feet that feel like the skin is going to explode (only at the end of the day)
- Extreme tiredness - only after 3:00
- Lower back pain - especially on the pelvic bone
- Total and complete loss of appetite
- Amazing amounts of discharge - but only when I'm standing. If I'm sitting on the toilet and I wipe - its dry as a bone. The minute I stand up (if naked) its there. I have no idea
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
Who Is This Braxton Hicks You Speak Of
Tuesday we had our midwife appointment and we really liked this one. She was so sweet, and wrote me a referral for the physical therapist for my pelvic bone pain that I've been having.
The baby is head down now - or at least she was at the appointment and everything is absolutely perfect. My BP is normal like usual, urine check last time came out fine, heartrate for her is good, weight gain is steady and plateauing a bit. All in all we're good.
At least I thought...
Then Wednesday night I was making dinner and was all of a sudden doubled over in pain. It felt like a muscle was being pulled in my bottom lower left abdomen. Image a if you pulled a hamstring except it was in your stomach. I squirmed on the floor saying, "ouch ouch OUCH OUCHIE OUCH!" until I found a good position and it subsided. Ahhhhh, sweet relief.
Mr. M came in from the grill outside to find me laying on the kitchen floor panting from the release of the 'pulling pain'. As I was about to explain what I was doing on the floor and that no I haven't lost my mind I was just having a muscle pulling sensaaaaaaaaatioooo OUCH! - It came back. Same pain, same intensity, but I was lying in my new found comfort position why did the pain come back?
So I squirmed some more, crawled into the living room and laid down on the carpeted floor until I found my 'good position' again and the pain subsided. He's looking at me with a skeptical eye, I can feel it. "What was THAT?!" he said. My response (NAIVE MUCH) was, "I don't know its this muscle, I think I pulled a stomach muscle somehow."
So I'm explaining to him that I think the pulling is better now and sit on the couch with him. A few minutes pass and then WHAM! another "pull". He says, "we're going to the hospital right now!"
"No, no no... it's not... it's ... just... a muscle.pull. aaaaaaarrrrrghhhhh!"
I'm squirming and moaning on the floor. Assuring him this is NOT what a contraction feels like, even though I have no idea what a contraction feels like as I've never been pregnant before. I beg him to just call the midwife instead as I would feel like a HUGE dumbass if I went in and it was a pulled muscle.
He hands me the phone because he hates the idea and wants to just head into the hospital instead. I leave a message with the answering dude explaining in detail that I am NOT in labor and that these are not even contractions - just muscles pulling. Ummm, sure... whatever crazy pregnant lady.
The midwife, bless her heart, calls me back within a few minutes. I'm explaining to her that it's just a stomach muscle that is being pinched or pulled or something. She asks me if there is a pattern and I assure there is no pattern. Until Mr. M pipes in from the background, "YES THERE IS - 5 MINUTES APART!" I'm like, WHA? You were timing them?
He said he had been timing them since he found me on the kitchen floor in the first place. Isn't he brilliant? She says to start a bath and drink about 2 glasses of water, if I have 2 more I need to go to the hospital. Also, that she wouldn't stop the labor if I were to progress at this point seeing as I'm 34 weeks.
WHOA WHOA WHOA!
First of all, I'm not in laboooooooor OUCH! It's back! I hand the phone to Mr. M and he talks to her till it subsides and the phone comes back to me. She says this is just too bizarre to not be contractions. Take a bath immediately and call her back if/when we're heading to the hospital.
Pshaw right! I am not in labor, these are NOT contractions, all of these people are crazy.
I get in the tub. Have 1 more "muscle pull", then a smaller one... then nothing.
I got out and felt fine. She called back anyway and explained in very slow and direct language that those were indeed contractions. Next time if they last an hour, go to the hospital.
OK, so maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm not. It's just that it didn't FEEL like how everyone else describes it. There was not "hard all over" belly, no "squeezing" feeling, no "pressure", just a centralized muscle that was pulling in only the bottom left part of my belly. If that is a contraction then WHOA, I'm totally unprepared.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
34 Weeks On The Dot
Next time someone asks me to make their wedding cake for them and I'm 6 weeks shy of my due date please remind me to tell them to F*CK *FF!
I am glutton for punishment it seems. It's just that I felt that I couldn't say 'no' because I had made everyone ELSES wedding cakes and it wouldn't be fair for me to say "nope, not for you." However, I think they have some balls asking me when I'm this pregnant in the first place.
Enough about that... well maybe not.
So we're taking a 3 hour trek down to Iowa to go to this wedding with cakes in tow. I fully expect to be totally miserable - especially with the pubic bone pain I've been feeling lately. Mr. M is adament that we stop every 45 minutes to take a walk and stretch. He's worried about me, but also feels like we should be there. I know we should be there too - it's just the pain and suffering that I have to endure to make that happen that I'm not looking forward to. Well that and the fact that there won't be a decent hospital within about 30 miles of us. That's a bit unnerving, I must say.
So, how have I been feeling? Increasingly more uncomfortable. I used to wonder what they heck those ladies meant when they said they were 'uncomfortable' in their third trimester. I totally get it now. It's more of an all-over angsty kinda pain feeling. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, laying down feels ok as long as I don't try to do something drastic like roll over - YOWCH. My feet are sore at the end of the day but I got a pedicure last weekend and it was heavenly. I also went for my second pregnant brazilian and it didn't hurt NEARLY as bad. What they say is true, if you keep up the waxing the pain is nothing after the first time out. I'll probably do one more before I'm due - it's so much easier to deal with NO SHAVING.
We've gone to 2 classes in our 'Preparing for Childbirth' course we're taking. Everyone is so dead pan I'm starting to wonder what tranquilizers they are on because I have to get me some of those. Mr. M and I are constantly joking and writing notes to each other. He tries to find any possible time to bring up poop - and I am always yelling out right after the 'videos' "I WANT OUT!" Nobody gets that I'm joking or that maybe a little humor might ease their anxiety.
I'm confident I can do this whole birthing thing. I know my options, I know it will be painful, but the reward at the end is like the best thing I could ever dream and it's only a mere 24 hours or less in your WHOLE LIFE that you will feel this way. At least that's my rationalization right now, don't quote me when I'm 4 cm dilated and screaming for that epidural.
About the whole mothering thing. I don't know if I'm the first to feel this way - but I'm a little concerned about the breastfeeding thing. Not in the sense that I may not be able to do it (which is quite possible with a past breast reduction), but more so because I can't imagine it feeling "natural" to have a child sucking on my breast. For so long my breasts have been sexual in nature - to switch from that to being life giving is a bit weird for me. Mr. M thinks this is a very normal feeling for first time moms but that it will immediately disappear when it's MY child and MY child is hungry and needing me. I suppose he's right - I'm going to do a bit more thinking on it.
6 weeks left officially today. We're not really "ready" in the sense that we don't have a car seat yet, or bedding in the crib. The nursery is complete - and it's adorable. We haven't packed "THE BAG" for the hospital but Mr. M says he wants that to be his job - he's excited about doing that. Usually that means he's got something up his sleeve, can't wait to find out what it is. We see the midwife on Tuesday and then two weeks later again. After that we're on weekly appointments - I can't believe it.
Everybody cross your fingers that I don't go into labor in the middle of nowhere Iowa this weekend.