Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Let me Splain.... No Let me sum up

I fell down the stairs on Sunday night - while holding my baby girl. Quite possibly this was the most terrifying event in my 28 years of life - barring of course the 4 hours it took to push out my dear child when I was in labor.

I got pretty beat up on the way down - I think she survived it mainly because she was riding a mommy sled. I didn't brace myself as my instinct was to hold on to her. So I've got some sore bones and some bruises and bumps but mainly just a bruised ego and spirit.

To sum up my recent post...

I believe I have what most doctors would call postpartum depression. Several things could be playing into this. Including but not limited to: working from home while mothering my child, people getting canned by the minute at my job, general upkeep of my home, maintaining a relationship with my husband, loss of self/hobbies, body shape changes, lack of sleep, etc. I'm anxious all the time... yes ALL.THE.TIME.

If I'm not worrying about the baby, I'm worrying about my job, the car, the money, my husband, my marriage, etc etc. Right now I could make you a list of probably 25 things I'm worrying about and it would be easy - I mean REAL easy.

I got a raise and a promotion at work 2 weeks ago. A blessing and a curse really. More money, more responsibility... which equals - harder to leave and more stress. Only a depressed person could find a way to think of a promotion and raise as a bad thing.

Quite possibly I saw the sun for the first time today in maybe a few weeks. We've been having some frigid temps in MN lately and its enough to suck the last drops of life blood right out of you. In addition to suffering from a bit of cabin fever, with the fall down the stairs I'm house shopping. I know I'm probably grasping at straws at this point, anything to turn the general mood of my life around. So far I've blamed it on everything including my crazy brain.

There is never enough time, money, energy or love.


At 11:02 AM, Blogger Cursing Mama said...

You need to do 4 very important things. (Yes, this is an assignment)

First - tell your husband everything you just wrote here (if you haven't already).
Second - print this and give it to a trusted sister/girlfriend/mother/aunt - your closest female person.
Third - print this & take it to your doctor and ask for help.
Finally - and not something to miss - find an activity that you enjoy that takes you out of the house alone for at least an hour or so a week. It can be just about anything, but it must be something that for you that does not relate to the things that give you stress. and it must be with other people.

And that is my unasked for assvice - you'll have to trust that its good stuff and based on someone who has walked in those shoes...

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Jackie said...

I'm so glad to hear that you and your beautiful daughter came out of the fall ok. It's scarey isn't it?

I'm having a down day too, I hope yours gets better.

At 6:48 AM, Blogger Cursing Mama said...

just checking in to see how you're doing....


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