High and Tight - or not

We had our midwife appointment for the week yesterday morning at the buttcrack of dawn. Or at least it felt that way, these days I'm sleeping like the dead.

I kept telling Mr. M and the midwife - "I'm just feeling really dizzy."

They were trying to get me to explain the dizziness, and really I couldn't say more than ... dizzy... I just feel dizzy.

So I laid down on the table, naked from the waist down. She did the Strep B test and checked my cervix. WHOA - nobody told me the checking of the cervix would hurt like that!?! I felt like she was elbow deep in my vagina and tugging on my small intestines.

She was explaining to me that the baby is extremely low and that she had to reach around her head to find the opening to the cervix. Which to no ones surprise was completely closed. I didn't expect to have any dilation at 36w4d.

Then we listened to the heartbeat - which is always, by far, my favorite part of every visit. I just feel like she's so STRONG and HEALTHY when I hear that swoosh swoosh swoosh.

The midwife then gives me her arm and helps me to a sitting position. She was explaining something else as I got to sitting and then I kept on going... forward... nearly off the table. I flailed my arms a bit, Mr. M jumped up and she grabbed my other arm. I didn't hit the deck, but I was definitely headed for it.

So, I took the rest of the day off from work, visited my friend and her kids, then took a three hour nap in the afternoon.

To my surprise when I returned to work today - everyone was in a panic. Within 10 minutes of my arrival I was told that they thought I should start working from home, at least a few days a week, leave all my passwords and instructions to anything that I"m working on somewhere that is easily accessible, and that I should start training in a temporary replacement on Monday.

Talk about calling in the troops - sheesh.

Part of me is relieved by this, because I was worried that they were not really preparing for me to be gone for the next three months. The other part of me (the micro-manager part) cringes at the idea of someone else doing my work and doing it sloppily. I had sloppy, and I really hate it when people don't follow the patterns and procedures that I have been. The reason I do the things I do at work are because I've already figured out how to mess it up - and found the best way to NOT mess it up.

So I'm working on "letting go" and trying to focus on me and the new addition to our family. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm valuable and they will want me back in 3 months. I had no idea I'd feel this way. I thought I'd be counting down the days to when I didn't have a 9 to 5 job at a desk.

The one good part of yesterday was hearing from the midwife that I most likely won't be late or needing an induction. I'm trying not to get my heart set on that - as I know I'll be disappointed when July 14th comes and goes, but it does feel good.