Friday, February 18, 2005

The Ex Strikes Again

Sometimes I am amazed with what Mr. M's ex is capable of.

Not only does she work with him (please tell me who actually TRIES to get a job with their ex boyfriend?!?) but she also is a nut case.

She's notorious for innappropriate behavior.

Today's takes the cake...

- EX goes up to Mr. M at work and the conversation goes something like this-

Ex: Mr. M, if something were to happen to my Dad would you walk me down the aisle when I got married? let me point out here as a side note, that she isn't getting married and her father is very much alive and well.

Mr. M: ummmm, don't you think that's kind of innappropriate?

Ex: so is that a No?

Mr. M: well, don't you think it's innappriopriate?

Ex: I'll take that as a no then.


Excuse me.. but can I just say a big giant WTF!!!! Is this girl a nut job?? She's 34 and single (not bashing the 30something singles just stating a point). She's OCD, BIG time. She's neurotic, lives with her twin sister and her twin sister's husband and children. I believe she has her GED or never finished High school, one of the two I'm not sure.

Let's put it this way, when I helped Mr. M move out of his old apartment (that she never actually lived in) I found Stacks and stacks of old starbucks cardboard cups that had been rinsed out and saved.

Say it with me now people, WTF!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Little Victories

I am new to blogging. I've dabbled with various other
forms but all in all I've never really had a go at actual blogging. I tried about a year ago to start one up on blogger but was told by Mr. M that he would prefer to not be discussed online. I felt an enormous amount of guilt/turmoil over this. The reason being, that I wanted to blog and I wanted no restrictions on my blogging but I didn't want to betray or hurt him. So, I put it on the back burner settling for other methods of journaling.

As you can see, that didn't take. I ended up coming back to blogger and trying again. This time I decided not to tell Mr. M about it. I don't lie about it if he asks, but I'm not forthcoming and I do admit I clear the offline internet cookies and other such things every few days. I felt that as long as I used a false name and gave him a false name that everything should be ok.

Mr. M has a blog as well, and there are a few sites that list us both under their faves to read. I've always kinda worried about this, but thought if someone figured it out, I'd have to be more impressed than anything else. I know Mr. M is not the nosy type and will never attempt to find my blog, unless of course he stumbles across it... in which case he wouldn't know it was me unless he read EVERY single entry putting two and two together. I would also venture to guess that if he did find my blog and realized it was mine he would cease reading it. He's VERY into privacy, thus the request to not have me blog about him in the first place.

I struggle with all of this because I dont' want to be deceitful. Not to Mr. M. I love him. I want honesty and openness at all times. I have access to his blog and he speaks nothing but praise of me when I actually make an appearance in his writing.

One of the things I have noticed that I wish didn't have to be the case is that when I have little victories I can't share it with him. More so I can't ask him about how to do this or that, I'm really on my own for figuring out how to make this thing look the way I want it to.

For instance, I figured out how to write the code to put my favorite websites over on the sidebar. I also figured out how to put my amazon wishlist on the sidebar without having it reveal my address and other stuff. I learned how to edit HTML a little. I wish I could celebrate these little victories with MR. M cause I know he would be proud of me for figuring it out without anyone's assistance. But... for now... they'll just be my little victories.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Steven Spielberg Lives In My House

Mr. M has gotten a verbal agreement from a well known and very established online gaming company that they will be funding his television show. He has written and produced with the show with help from a small team of people. His partner Mannie (its a chick that looks like a duuude), his buddy Homer (editing), and various other peeps.

The details are thus:

said online gaming company (lets call them MoneyBucks) have now given verbal agreement and will then be signing a hard copy contract on Monday. At that time they will wire half of the agreement amount of $465,000.00 to Mr. M's television show bank account. As soon as the money shows up in the account we do a little dance, give big kisses and hugs and Mr. M gets his ass in gear and rounds up the people in waiting to start pre-production. Yada yada yada 12 weeks later they have 6 completed shows edited and ready to go on air. At which time they will get 1/4 of the original agreed upon amount wired to the bank account. The day the first show airs on TV the remaining 1/4 will be deposited in the account.

So what does this mean for us???

Mr. M may have to quit his rather lucrative job. Which he is all for since he's done such a spectacular job that he's worked him self into boredom. When everything runs smoothly there's nothing for the big boss to do... ya know?

This may in turn mean that I will have to put him on my health insurance, making him my legal domestic partner. ( I work for a very progressive company that allows such a thing). In which case I would have to say, DUDE... come on this is ridculous let's just get married.

Mr. M may travel for 3/4 of the next 12 weeks. Leaving me home, alone, and missing him. He will be in Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Mississippi, and anywhere else that might have tournaments in which to showcase on his new show. This is all very exciting to him and when I've asked him in the past how we would survive such a thing he seemed apathetic. Or maybe I should say, he felt it wouldn't affect us, but would rather make us closer. BLAH BLAH BLAH BULLSHIT.

If by chance a second season is asked for by either the network OR MoneyBucks, Mr. M will be stinkin filthy rich and will most likely have to move to Las Vegas or LA. I will either be invited or NOT invited to join him in his new life path. My friend Monica says, that this would also be the time where a ring would have to appear or else .... yea, I don't want to think about the "or else".

I'm at peace with this. If it would have happened two months ago I would have been a nervous wreck... will he leave me? will I leave him? do I want to be alone this much? But now, I've got an odd sense of serenity on the issue. Whatever happens, happens. My life will lead me to where I am suppose to be.

don't believe a word of that bullshit. I'll be hysterical by Monday.

Monday, February 14, 2005

PopCorn Anyone?

Yesterday I spent half the day decorating cupcakes and cookies with sprinkles and pink/white frosting. My friend Monica is Betty Crocker incarnate and I hope to achieve her status someday. I was ranting and raving about how Mr. M had made a reservation at one of our fave restaurants. Its about 45 minutes outside of town and is set in this quaint historic bed and breakfast. It's called Schumachers, and as you might have guessed it serves german food.

Monica was ooing and gooing over how nice that will be for the both of us. Then her husband turns to her and says, "I suppose I should tell you now, we're going too". We both stared at him not quite registering what he was saying. Turns out him and Mr. M secretly planned a valentine's dinner for two and neither of us knew the other was going. Pretty sneaky I must say.

So I went home cleaned the house (which is normal Sunday routine for me) and got dressed up in a knee length black pencil skirt, mary jane slip on's with a little black bow on the strap, a baby blue cami and a black cardigan. Put on my pearls and pearl earrings and set out into the rain that had now become a blizzard.

We had a lovely meal, we just love spending time with Monica and Mikey... they're the only example of a happily married couple we know. They also have a lovely little 6 month old that we fondly refer to as The WEECHY. Don't ask me how that name got started, but for her sake I hope it gets dropped soon.

We braved the un-plowed roads back home and I snuggled into bed with my Mr. M with a full tummy and a full heart.

This morning I woke early knowing the roads would be bad and got ready for work. I left Mr. M a plate of pink cupcakes and cookies with a little card taped to his computer. I also brought the remaining cookies/cupcakes to work to distribute to all those deserving.

I'm always nervous on Valentine's day, more so now than ever. I always set myself up for distruction. I tell myself, don't expect anything, don't plan on getting anything, don't hope for anything, and most of all don't wish for a ring.

Mr. M has come through the second year in a row by sending me
something similar to this with a note that read:

My Little Starfish - Happy Valentine's Day.
This is easier to share with workmates than flowers, eh?
Lots of Love,
Mr. M

No ring, but I'll settle for popcorn and goodies for now. I do love this man.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Best Cookie Recipe Of All Time

and I'm not kidding. This is THE best chocolate chip cookie recipe of all time (thank you Alton Brown) If you want them to be perfect, you MUST follow the recipe to a T... even down to the parchment paper and bread flour.

2 sticks unsalted butter
2 1/4 cups bread flour
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips - I usually use only 1 cup.

Ice cream scooper (#20 disher, to be exact)
Parchment paper
Baking sheets

Heat oven to 375 degrees F. Melt the butter in a heavy-bottom medium saucepan over low heat. Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda and set aside.

Pour the melted butter in the mixer's work bowl. Add the sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars on medium speed. Add the egg, yolk, 2 tablespoons milk and vanilla extract and mix until well combined. Slowly incorporate the flour mixture until thoroughly combined. Stir in the chocolate chips.

Chill the dough, then scoop onto parchment-lined baking sheets, 6 cookies per sheet. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown, checking the cookies after 5 minutes. Rotate the baking sheet for even browning. Cool completely and store in an airtight container.

happy baking!

Cube Land

For all of you out there in cube land.....

David Letterman's Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

10. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.

9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.

8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.

6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.

2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your coworkers.

And the Number 1 drawback to working in a cubicle is...

1. You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Happiness For Only $390

I have booked a trip for Nene and I. We're both in great need of a getaway that contains sunshine and alcohol.

What better place to get those two things than Las Vegas.

I used to work in the gaming industry, to be specific, I was a card dealer and dealt seven different card games - all of which can be found in Vegas. I never knew I liked to gamble, until I started dealing, then I learned that I am capable of spending 1000 in one night (and winning 1000 for that matter). I promised myself after getting pretty deep in the hole one night that I would no longer gamble in the state that I live in. This has worked. Gambling is reserved only for out of state trips and vacations.

We're staying at the Rio which I've stayed at before with Mr.M. OOOH, gives me a little tickle remembering that trip!! I believe what we did there is illegal in most states. heee hee

But this time, it's Nene and I and we've promised to spoil ourselves rotten with spa visits, good wine, good food, and good fun.

Mr. M is not out of the picture though, he may book a flight last minute and join us for two days. Which would please both Nene and I to no end. Nene has a special connection with Mr. M, she actually loves him like a brother. They've been known to sit on the couch watching movies together hours after I've gone to bed. Which I love. I hope he can come.

We're flying out Feb 20th and coming back Feb 23rd.

So, there you have it. Happiness for a mere $390.

UPDATE!!! - MR.M booked a ticket - we're gonna be one big happy group! Did I mention that I love that man?!?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Email to Dad

Can you believe I was sobbing crying and he wouldn't hold me...wouldn't comfort me. just kept accusing me of manipulation.

He actually said, "This is the same to me as you kicking your feetagainst the wall as a child and I will not let you manipulate me."

Maybe that pisses me off so much because I know its true. Maybe it pisses me off because I can't believe I have such an insensitive asshole for a boyfriend.

All I wanted him to do is tell me how he feels about me.

His words exactly, "words mean nothing, actions mean everything."

I said,"please just tell me how you feel."

He says, "I could tell you the sky is purple and it wouldn't mean anything until I showed you".

Then... he says, "I didn't know you hated me this much, why have you been with me for so long, I had no idea you were this unhappy."

Finally, when I had no tears left... I went to take a bath ... he meandered up later and asked if I was ok... gave me a kiss and went back downstairs. I don't know whether to hate him and get out as fast as I can... or love him for challenging my behaviors.

I've decided to pick up "Too Bad to Stay Too Good To Leave" on the way home.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

The Woman With The Big Shiny Ring

Yesterday I used my Saturday as most corporate people do, I went shopping and did errands. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond, knowing full well that you can't get out of that store without dropping at least $75.

I only picked up a basket, hoping that it might curb my spedning frenzie. No luck. Half way through I grabbed a big cart. When I signed my credit card receipt, it read $112.

I can't help it, I'm on a baking/cooking kick and I just couldn't leave all those trinkets and gadgets.

The bag I walked away with held the following contents:
Microplane with handle
One handed pepper grinder
Pyrex 4 quart with handle liquid measuring dish
Olive oil bottle with pouring spout
Sylicone Spatula
Good grips spatula
Flannel White Sheets (50% off!)
Suit Hangers for Mr. M
Yellow washclothes
Stainless Steel Measuring cups

I swear there had to be more than just that for $112!!!

Usually on my days off I don't shower in the morning and my hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail, and today was no different. No makeup either.

As I was sitting at a stoplight on my way home, I looked over and saw this woman. She was perfection. Her hair was neatly smoothed in a bob that came to her chin. She had porcelain skin and perfect makeup - not too much not too little. She wore a burgandy sweater that had a turtleneck. She was thin and delicate and the image of perfection. A small piece of hair fell into onto her cheek and as she brush it away I saw the glint of a diamond wedding ring. I looked into her back seat and there was one car seat buckled in.

I wondered about this woman. Do you think she looks at me or anyone else for that matter and envies their lives? Is there ever a point where us women are happy with our own lives and never look at another with a sense of "what if"?

When I looked at her, I wanted her life. I wanted a marriage and a child. Forget the looks, I dont care about that. Which made me wonder if outside appearances of someone elses life are so correct. That woman, she may hate her life. She may resent her husband for everything and anything. She may wish she didn't have the commitments and pressure of a child. She may look at me and want my independence or my carefree weekends.

are we ever happy with what we have? or are we always going to be looking at the woman with the big shiny ring?

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Shhhhh Don't Tell

About half way through my work day today I realized something.

I actually like my job. This only has happened twice before in my life. The first time being when I worked at the Dairy Queen in high school. It was my first job and I worked there part time for three years. I just loved it. I used to have dreams about making the perfect dip cone, literally. I did of course, gain ten pounds when I started working there of course, what is ten pounds when you're going from 105 to 115. I would call that normal teenage growth, but I'm sure the hot fudge sundaes helped.

The second job I loved was the one I used as my source of income to graduate college. I was in my fourth year of private college (no cheap thing even with grants and scholarships) and the choir was about to go on tour to Russia. I had always planned on taking a music ensemble related trip to Europe my senior year and russia wasn't top on my list but it would do. Until I got about 1/4 of the way through my last semester and realized not only could I not afford to go on the trip to Russia but I couldn't afford to continue school. So with tears in my eyes I explained my departure to my conductor and walked away humbled. My boyfriend at the time worked at the Native American casino close to the cities. I always hated gambling, since most of my boyfriends had been addicted to it at one time or another.

However, I'm a smart girl and observant. So when I'd get dragged along on these gambling trips with lures of fun and drinks I watched the dealers. What I realized is they were making quite a bit of money off of tips and doing very little. All they were REALLY doing was playing games and talking to people all day. I surely, could do this.

So I went to one of the Pit bosses at the casino my boyfriend frequented and asked how I might go about getting a job. She told me to call a number and tell them I had talked to her. So I did. They frowned on the fact that I hadn't dealt before and to be honest knew very little about gaming at all. But I guaranteed them I'd be done training before even the most seasoned professional. The reason I chose this casino over the one my boyfriend worked at, was for obvious reasons. 1. I didn't want to work with my boyfriend and 2. this place let you keep your own tips (which is EXTREMELY rare).

I started in on my first day of training and I pretended like it was a college class. I took it on as if I was learning a subject in school. I did homework, I tested myself, I even dealt to my dad on the kitchen table with a towel on it (all gaming tables have cushion, otherwise you wouldn't be able to do anything on them). I studied and studied. I practiced every night for two weeks. Then... I took the test and was the first girl in my class to audition I was the actual FIRST to audition, even over the veterans. I passed. The next week I started dealing on graveyard shift.

Trust me, I was scared out of my mind. Hands shaking, I even started crying after leaving my first table of the evening because the customers were so cruel. But I kept going, and I got better, and better. I started making serious cash. sometimes as much as 500 a day. But, my eye was on the prize. I went back to school the following semester and worked full time while taking a full load of classes. I graduated and continued to work as a dealer.

Eventually the job lost its charm and the fact that I was falling pretty deeply in love with my boss led me to finding a job that better suited my degree. I left the gaming industry and job #2 that I loved.

I spent a year as a marketing coordinator at a company that supplied hair product to one of the largest haircut chains in the country. I hated it. It was slimy, and smarmy, and more dishonest than even the casino. Which I thought should be the opposite. I left... for a reason that I'll have to put in an entirely different post.

Finally I landed in the job I'm in now, market research. My first month I was totally out of my element. I didn't know anything, or at least that's how it felt. But now after a few months, I realized, I actually like it. I really like what I do. I like that I'm respected and not treated like the peon that I am. I like that I have a title "project director" and that actually means something. I like that I'm making more than 28K (which is what I made as a marketing coordinator can you believe it!!!) I'm still making 20K less than dealing cards but at least I'm usuing my brain and feeling like I went to college for a reason and not just to blow 25K.

So... I'm a little worried about saying it outloud... it might jinx it. ssshhhh don't tell. I like my job.