Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I attended Mr. M's grandmother's 90th birthday party this weekend in Atlanta. All the family was there - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc etc. One of Mr.M's cousins has 2 little girls, Elizabeth and Stephanie.

Elizabeth is 8 and the smartest child I've ever met. Unfortunately though, her life will be hard. She thinks logically - VERY logically. She doesn't like unfairness especially when the logical explanation for what should occur seems so clear to her. She will either get defeated too many times and become an under-achiever OR she will cure cancer.

Stephanie - who we kindly call "Step-funny" is almost 2 years old and the sweetest angel I've ever laid eyes on. She came to me with arms stretched wide the moment I met her. She slept in my lap, cuddled and snuggled. She held hands and laughed the most intoxicating laugh I've ever heard. She fell asleep in the car on the way to lunch and Mr.M took her out of her carseat and proceeded to stand the entire meal. I asked him if he wanted to sit but he looked at me with the Bambi eyes and said he didn't want to wake her - oh and could we please get one just like her?? pretty please? He fell in love with her - and so did I. If ever I doubted that Mr.M would be a loving father I got my proof this weekend. He's weak in the knees for these girls. He plays cards with the older one and snuggles with the little one.

I forgot my birth control pills at home this trip. I told Mr.M the moment I realized it which was pretty quick actually. He said - what if you just stopped taking them? I told him he's suggesting a pretty huge thing. I know him - he won't put the condom on in that moment, he'll say "what the heck lets do it." He said he wants a step-funny and after this weekend I can see that he needs a step-funny. He needs to complete his full life and he seemed complete this weekend playing daddy. So I'm off the pills, it's been 5 days and I'm sure that my body will be doing some flip-flops as I've been on the pill for 8 years.

Do I want to get pregnant? yes - I do. Do I want to be married first? ideally. Is it a huge deal if the two happen simultaneously? no. I'm ok with this. Mr.M is 40 and if that means we have a baby first and do the pomp and circumstance later so be it.

On another note - I was offered a job this morning by the company who has been sending me through the longest interview process in history. They didn't offer me THE job - but they offered me A job. I asked them if they were still considering me for THE job and they said they were but wanted to put this one past me first. I dont' want it. I really don't want any part of what they are doing in their hyper controlled atmosphere. No coats over chairs, no jeans ever, must be at work during core hours, no working from home, blinds must be mid-level, chairs must be pushed in, overtime is expected.

I told my boss about the job last week. She's doing what she can to make it so I can afford to stay here. I'm not asking them to match it. I'm just asking them to make it so I'm not a complete idiot for staying. She's on the task and I trust that she's doing everything she can. She's put me in touch with many people in different departments to look into switching to something else within the company. All in all - she totally rocks and I should stay just on the premise that I will never have a boss like this ever again.

PS. we might have made a step-funny last night, but being that I've been on the pill for 8 years it's unlikely.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Should I Stay or Should I Go

so here's the dilemma.

The new job offers 10K more +bonuses. Bennies are vertually the same 120 hours of PTO, 10 holidays etc. The problem is the corporate culture. I met with the HR chick today at the new company and she said that they have an expectation of approximately 10% overtime per week for salaried people. She also said they have a very quiet office, people work very hard - weekends and nights aren't rare.

You have to dress up EVERY day - no jeans - not even on Fridays. Strict rules about when you get to work and when you leave. the same with the lunches. I'd have to pay 180 bucks a month to park my car or pay for a bus pass in which they give me 10% off. Potential for micromanaging HELL and lots of strict guidelines and rules.

So the question is-

Is it worth 45K a year plus bonuses to work for a company that doesn't value a balance between sense of self and corporate goals?

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Case of The Blahs

I have my second interview tomorrow for the job that pays a MILLION dollars.

It sounds really great, its a great office, great new boss, downtown - just lovely - right?

So why am I so ambivalent?

For the past few weeks I lack direction - motivation - drive. All I want to do is stay home and plant flowers. NOne of the things that usually keep me going are working. I dont' feel like staying that extra 1/2 hour at work. I don't feel like trying to help out or fixing the damn problem. I just feel like being left the fuck alone.

I don't want to show up on time for work - hell I don't want to show up at work at all. I feel that this isn't going to change when I get a new and exciting job either. I've lost the force that usually drives me. I can't say it's a bad thing either. I just have no interest.

Maybe this is just part of it - it comes and goes. Some days you are totally into the rat race and trying to be the best you can be and other days - eh.

I don't care if I get the job - I just don't. WIll I keep looking if I don't get it? Not sure. JUst don't care really. It's just a job - there's lots of jobs and lots of other ways to make money.

When Mr.M said "None of this matters" I fear that I took it to heart. NOne of this DOES matter - which makes me not care - which makes me ambivalent etc etc.

so - wish me luck - or not.

Friday, April 14, 2006


I've been trapped in big shiny office buildings all week, sitting at big shiny long conference room tables, pretending to be a grown-up. 12 - 16 hour days of constant negotiations with the Korean clients who seem to have an un-ending stamina when it comes to attention to detail.

I got the second interview - believe it or not - for next week Wednesday. I miss my man and my kitten. I miss my bed.

Who knows where the interview will lead to. Maybe out of this - maybe back in.

More to come this weekend.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Just Like TV

I had my interview today - I work my black suit with fuschia button up shirt. Except of course I left my suit jacket in the car when I was actually working so as to not raise any eyebrows.

So - how did it go?

It really went well I think. The woman interviewing me had already heard of me and for the first time in my career my reputation preceeded me.

We really had more of a chat than we had an interview. She asked interview questions but because I speak the language (for once) I actually was able to keep up and understand. From what I can tell here's the pros:

1. path for advancement
2. more responsibility
3. more learning
4. bonuses
5. better pay by almost 10K
6. client facing job rather than runt in the corner who does the dirty work
7. did I mention bonuses and pay?

On top of that the place looked like a downtown posh law firm in some sky scraper. I was a bit hard to believe that I would ever work in a place like that. I'm used to working in the suburbs in those little business centers. The office I'm in now is by no means small - it just has it's own parking lot and there is grass around it.

I have no idea if I'll get a call. I thought it went very well but I've been wrong before. She's got to interview 4 other people who could quite possibly be more qualified than me. I'll be hearing back late next week about a second interview but I'll be in Chicago working on the study from hell.

Chicago is Monday through Friday and I'm not looking forward to it. I hate more than 2 days away.

I'm mumbling now - time for sleeping.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Guilt and Shame

So - remember yesterday when I send the resume and coverletter with the little error on it and I thought that would be the end of it?

The HR chick emailed me this morning to say she received the email. I took that as my opportunity to apologize for the oversight and thank her for the quick response.

Within the hour she had me on the phone.

Turns out my mere attempt to get some salary information has spiraled out of control to a full fledged interview on Thursday downtown. I failed to do one key element in this little search for information. I failed to find out where the ex-manager of my department had gone to in her career.

Turns out - she's at Smith Johnson. SHe saw my name on the resume and called down to the HR girl to get me on the phone immediately and in for an interview before the end of the week.

I have never personally worked with this manager. She was the boss of my boss before I started. WHen she left my boss took on her role as manager of the department and all I ever get is stories about it. So I know she's cool, I know she basically trained my boss (who I love) so she must have some of those basic management qualities I would hope.

I can't help but feel extremely guilty about this. My current boss is quite possibly one of the most influential people in my career thus far. She has taught me how to handle every situation - even the most difficult and sticky. She has taught me communication skills (email and verbal), excel skills (shortcuts and aesthetics), and most importantly management skills (how to talk to people and get what you need). How can I go to an interview behind her back with her old boss at a company that will most certainly be offering me at least 10K more per year???

So I'm stricken with guilt but at the same time very excited about exploring this new career opportunity. Plus - working downtown - do I really want to do that? Commuting would suck and parking would be expensive.

Guess it's time to buy a new suit - grey with pinstripes I think would be best.

Like Losing Hold of the String On Your Balloon

I just sent off a resume and cover letter to a company posting a job that is very similar to what I do now. I'm just trying to get a feel for the industry standard salary at my level of project management.

So the companies name is Johnson Smith (not really but you'll get the drift. I write this eloquent cover letter highlighting my strengths and areas of expertise. I throw in the company name so they know it's a personalized letter and not just a stock letter where I click and paste.

I notice just as I hit the send button that I said "I would be able to bring my experience in market research to Smith Johnson..."

Yup - you read that right. I wrote the name backwards.

Oh well - lucky for me I already have a job.