Sunday, July 30, 2006

Handing Off The Tiara

We drove 3 1/2 hours on Friday morning with a large melting cake in the trunk and equally melting chocolate covered strawberries.

The cake made it - and was delicious. Picture coming tomorrow.

So what was the occasion?

My father got married.

It was really perfect and wonderful. I thought I'd make it through it without tears but that was over the minute I walked down the aisle with Mr. M as my escort. THen I tried to compose myself so I could sing for them. I couldn't look at my dad - I would have burst into tears.

I still can't figure out why I was so emotional. I think it was because I was so damn happy that my father has found someone to be his companion for the rest of his life. They really are perfect for each other.

I was asked to give a toast and I couldn't think of what to say - so I asked Mr. M for what he thought was the best thing to say.

He said, "you could give up princess"

I knew what he meant.

So sure enough during the toast I allowed my father's new wife to take over my sister and I's princess status.

It was tough.

But I'm somebody elses princess now.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Keep On Reading

I few months ago I re-evaluated why I keep a blog. Is it so I can build a huge reader base like those of Dooce, EverydayStranger, or Amalah? Is it to make internet friends? Is it to turn into a mommyblogger someday who gets paid to stay at home and write?

I decided...

None of the above.

I keep this blog because sometimes I have stuff on my mind. It may not be everyday or even every week, but I always come back when my mind is full and needs unloading. I realize that having this as my motivating factor to keeping a blog means that I won't have the items I first listed ever happen. I'm ok with that.

I'm not nearly as witty as Dooce as poetic as Everyday Stranger or as amazingly HI-larious and all knowing as Amalah. I'll never be these things. I will however be my self. Not afraid to say anything, talk about anything, feel anything, or write anything.

If no one reads it, which I'm pretty sure is the case. It's ok... it's more than ok... it's expected!

So thanks for coming... make yourself at home.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

As If There Was Any Doubt

I gave my "notice" last week Tuesday to my current employer. It was a sad meeting with my wonderful boss who I adore. We both got a little choked up until I quickly excused myself.

I heard that the two HR teams were fighting over me and what my end date would be. Which I tried to stay out of... well I actually didn't have a choice. They didn't let me have a say really. So - fine... whatever.

Now here it is a week later and I've heard nothing. I don't know if I'm moving cubes, if I'm suppose to be quiet about my moving, if I should answer questions that people have, if I should tell my vendors... I have no clue. Even more so I don't know if my two week notice holds and when I'll be receiving the fatter paychecks.

I had to go to my new boss to find out. I asked her if she'd heard anything about my start date. She pulled up an email and it was very disappointing. To her and to me. Apparently my company threw a big enough stink about needing me that they've managed to retain me for an additional MONTH! My last full time week with my current company is next week. Then I do this 2 days on 1 side 3 days on the other for a few weeks. My new boss said they were working on a spot bonus for me to recuperate the money I lost due to hanging out with them for 3 weeks longer than I wanted to.


They are NOT replacing me!

How the HELL do you justify not replacing me when you are making the hugest deal of me staying for 5 weeks to "transition" my projects. Basically that tells me you're screwing my co-workers by giving my work to them instead of hiring someone for this obviously full time job. I average 50 hours a week - how is that not a full time job??

If there was any inkling of doubt about leaving my current position it's completely gone. I'm doing the right thing. This current company doesn't care about people they care about the bottom line. I'm not interested in that.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Ritchie Rich

I got the job offer from the other company. THe company I used to work for before the "split". It was better than I thought. In fact... it was 2K more than I was shooting for. My salary has gone from 28,500 to 42K in 3 years. At this rate I might just meet my goal of 50K by 30.

I had dinner with Emily and her husband... and JEssie and her husband on Friday night. It was really really nice. We laughed, reminsced, and just in general reconnected. I searched all over the place for good people to surround myself with. For some reason I forgot that those people were the people I had in the first place.

I'm rich in so many ways... money isn't even one of them.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Grow Up Already

I'm a fairly social person. If I were on a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being hermit introvert who lives in a cave and 10 being a 15 year old cheerleader - I would be a 25. I NEEED it. NEEEEED.

Last weekend Mr.M was at work - like every weekend - and I had Saturday all to myself. After I baked a wedding cake, did the laundry, watched a thousand hours of television, and cleaned the kitchen, Mr. M came home.

He said, "Hi baby... baby??... wassamatter?"

I looked at him with crazy insane eyes bulging out of my head and blurted out, "I haven't talked at all today."

I went from 9:00 in the morning till 7:00 at night not having said a WORD! And for someone like me - that's like pulling out my fingernails one by one and then dipping my hand in lemon juice.

So what brought on this sudden panic - I've had several Satuday's where I was flying solo and never had this problem.

I'll tell you what the problem is...

I'm about as mature as a 3 year old.

In highschool I was incredibly social - not a day went by that I didn't have a friend with me or was participating in some event/sport/music group/extra-curricular activity.

In college - I was equally social. I always lived with numerous girls and would be on the go all the time.

After college I worked at a Casino. I'd go to school in the morning, work from 2:00 till 10:00, and then hang with my co-workers till 2 in the morning.

No one calls me. I call them.
No one invites me to hang. I invite them.
No one
No one

I'm sick of it. I tried to make a new years resolution to build my friend base. I sought people out - I organized things, I joined classes, and started singing again.

So I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what I do there is something fundamentally fucked up with me that people don't want to initiate and maintain a friendship with me.

I'm a child.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

The Next Chapter

My dear friend Jessie built her own house. She actually built it - not like hiring a contractor - but hauling every brick and nailing every nail.

It was a long haul - but she's finally done. Of course it's never REALLY done but it's liveable and beautiful.

She had her first party last night - which we heard about 3 days ago when she sent out the email. My first question was, "is Emily going to be there?"

Jessie called me - she said yes, Emily was going to be there and told me she would understand if I couldn't do it. At first I ws going to say no. However, Jessie had been prepping me for this party for months - begging me to attend, even though Emily would be there. Finally - I decided... I was sick of punishing Jessie for what had happened between Emily and I.

So - I told her not to worry about it. I'd be there and I'd behave myself.

I was out walking with Mr. M on Friday night and we were coming up with a viable plan for how I would handle the situation. As we were walking my phone rang. The voice on the other end of the call was as familiar as my favorite jeans. Time stopped, my breath escaped me, and I had no words.

It was Emily.

She talked about how she was sorry - and tried to explain herself and wanted to be sure it wouldn't be awkward at the party - for Jessie's sake. I didn't know what to say - I stammered for a few minutes. She asked if I wanted to call her back - I said yes.

So - I took a few minutes - finished our walk - composed myself and called back.

We talked for 2 1/2 hours. We cried, laughed, and said the hard stuff.

I was so nervous to go to the party, but I powered through. The moment I walked in the door I saw Jessie handed over the cheesecake I made and the pasta salad. Then I heard a voice, "excuse me, I don't mean to push but I have to over to that woman over there."

It was Emily pushing past Mr.M (who she doesn't know) to get to me. I looked up and there she was my beautiful friend from a million years ago and in her arms a beautiful blonde child with a big grin.

She grabbed me and we hed eachother and sobbed... SOBBED. There was no one else in the room as we just cried and held eachother. I took her child into my arms and smelled that baby boys head and sqeeeezed his beautiful baby thighs.

I introduced Mr.M and she hugged him too. We just cried for nearly a 1/2 hour. THen we talked and laughed and hugged for hours. It's like we'd look at each other and hug every 10 minutes not believing that the other person was real.

Are we going to rekindle our friendship? I don't know. Will we ever be what we were - probably not. It doesn't matter though - because we had that night. God know we needed it.