Grow Up Already

I'm a fairly social person. If I were on a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being hermit introvert who lives in a cave and 10 being a 15 year old cheerleader - I would be a 25. I NEEED it. NEEEEED.

Last weekend Mr.M was at work - like every weekend - and I had Saturday all to myself. After I baked a wedding cake, did the laundry, watched a thousand hours of television, and cleaned the kitchen, Mr. M came home.

He said, "Hi baby... baby??... wassamatter?"

I looked at him with crazy insane eyes bulging out of my head and blurted out, "I haven't talked at all today."

I went from 9:00 in the morning till 7:00 at night not having said a WORD! And for someone like me - that's like pulling out my fingernails one by one and then dipping my hand in lemon juice.

So what brought on this sudden panic - I've had several Satuday's where I was flying solo and never had this problem.

I'll tell you what the problem is...

I'm about as mature as a 3 year old.

In highschool I was incredibly social - not a day went by that I didn't have a friend with me or was participating in some event/sport/music group/extra-curricular activity.

In college - I was equally social. I always lived with numerous girls and would be on the go all the time.

After college I worked at a Casino. I'd go to school in the morning, work from 2:00 till 10:00, and then hang with my co-workers till 2 in the morning.

No one calls me. I call them.
No one invites me to hang. I invite them.
No one
No one

I'm sick of it. I tried to make a new years resolution to build my friend base. I sought people out - I organized things, I joined classes, and started singing again.

So I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what I do there is something fundamentally fucked up with me that people don't want to initiate and maintain a friendship with me.

I'm a child.