Monday, July 10, 2006

Grow Up Already

I'm a fairly social person. If I were on a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being hermit introvert who lives in a cave and 10 being a 15 year old cheerleader - I would be a 25. I NEEED it. NEEEEED.

Last weekend Mr.M was at work - like every weekend - and I had Saturday all to myself. After I baked a wedding cake, did the laundry, watched a thousand hours of television, and cleaned the kitchen, Mr. M came home.

He said, "Hi baby... baby??... wassamatter?"

I looked at him with crazy insane eyes bulging out of my head and blurted out, "I haven't talked at all today."

I went from 9:00 in the morning till 7:00 at night not having said a WORD! And for someone like me - that's like pulling out my fingernails one by one and then dipping my hand in lemon juice.

So what brought on this sudden panic - I've had several Satuday's where I was flying solo and never had this problem.

I'll tell you what the problem is...

I'm about as mature as a 3 year old.

In highschool I was incredibly social - not a day went by that I didn't have a friend with me or was participating in some event/sport/music group/extra-curricular activity.

In college - I was equally social. I always lived with numerous girls and would be on the go all the time.

After college I worked at a Casino. I'd go to school in the morning, work from 2:00 till 10:00, and then hang with my co-workers till 2 in the morning.

No one calls me. I call them.
No one invites me to hang. I invite them.
No one
No one

I'm sick of it. I tried to make a new years resolution to build my friend base. I sought people out - I organized things, I joined classes, and started singing again.

So I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what I do there is something fundamentally fucked up with me that people don't want to initiate and maintain a friendship with me.

I'm a child.


At 9:11 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

You're not a child, just extremely normal. At least your reality is REAL and not make-believe.

"Won't you be...won't you be. PLEASE won't you neighbor? Hello neighbor."

At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Amy said...

I moved around as an Army brat and had to start over again and again. It was not a big deal when I live around other people who did the same thing. Everyone made friends easily and knew that people moving on would happen.

Where I struggle is now living in a non-military town. I have lived in Fort Worth for over 14 years and still do not have a regular group of friends.

People have to work to keep up friendships and I find most people are not willing to do it.

I would like to get together with people, but I am scared to ask because I fear rejection. I guess I need to buck up!

Sorry for the ramble, but I always seem to find something common or thought provoking in your posts.

At 11:56 PM, Blogger Yuli said...

yeah i had the same panic of not talking to anyone. Now i learned it is normal, the world seems ok.


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