Thursday, February 17, 2005

Little Victories

I am new to blogging. I've dabbled with various other
forms but all in all I've never really had a go at actual blogging. I tried about a year ago to start one up on blogger but was told by Mr. M that he would prefer to not be discussed online. I felt an enormous amount of guilt/turmoil over this. The reason being, that I wanted to blog and I wanted no restrictions on my blogging but I didn't want to betray or hurt him. So, I put it on the back burner settling for other methods of journaling.

As you can see, that didn't take. I ended up coming back to blogger and trying again. This time I decided not to tell Mr. M about it. I don't lie about it if he asks, but I'm not forthcoming and I do admit I clear the offline internet cookies and other such things every few days. I felt that as long as I used a false name and gave him a false name that everything should be ok.

Mr. M has a blog as well, and there are a few sites that list us both under their faves to read. I've always kinda worried about this, but thought if someone figured it out, I'd have to be more impressed than anything else. I know Mr. M is not the nosy type and will never attempt to find my blog, unless of course he stumbles across it... in which case he wouldn't know it was me unless he read EVERY single entry putting two and two together. I would also venture to guess that if he did find my blog and realized it was mine he would cease reading it. He's VERY into privacy, thus the request to not have me blog about him in the first place.

I struggle with all of this because I dont' want to be deceitful. Not to Mr. M. I love him. I want honesty and openness at all times. I have access to his blog and he speaks nothing but praise of me when I actually make an appearance in his writing.

One of the things I have noticed that I wish didn't have to be the case is that when I have little victories I can't share it with him. More so I can't ask him about how to do this or that, I'm really on my own for figuring out how to make this thing look the way I want it to.

For instance, I figured out how to write the code to put my favorite websites over on the sidebar. I also figured out how to put my amazon wishlist on the sidebar without having it reveal my address and other stuff. I learned how to edit HTML a little. I wish I could celebrate these little victories with MR. M cause I know he would be proud of me for figuring it out without anyone's assistance. But... for now... they'll just be my little victories.


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