Saturday, January 29, 2005

The Talk

I was a busy bee today around the house. I washed three loads of laundry, folded 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the cupboards, put contact paper in them, reorganized them, went to the hardware store, and the grocery store. While all this was happening a work crisis happened.

Pittsburgh calls with problems reaching quota then calls again with server problems. Then Houston calls with problems with servers. So I scramble around trying to figure out how to contact IT on a Saturday. Finally I tracked down my supervisor who was slightly helpful. I got it up and running and IT contacted within the hour. My boss then emailed me giving me props which felt nice. But didn't change the fact that I spent two hours working on my weekend. I guess brownie points are always good.

On the weekends I usually cook elaborate meals for Mr. M and I. It's somethingI enjoy doing but never have time during the work week. Today's meal was lasagna per Mr. M's request. I also decided to make a pineapple upside down cake that I saw on the food channel. Tonight's lasagna was especially tasty since I used balsamic vinegar and kalamata olives chopped finely. The pineapple upsidedown cake was a HUGE success and tasted amazing (even though I don't like pineapples).

We had dinner with home made garlic cheese bread and it was very pleasant. Then shared a slice of cake (since we're watching our waistlines these days). After which I decided it was time for the talk... the one I've been dreading all week. The one about my anger earlier in the week and my need for a statement of commitment. Also the one where I aske about our sex life and why it has come to a complete stop (I think was sensing my angst this morning because he initiated and put out YIPEEE I got laid!).

He pouted like a five year old "oooooh man I don't wannnaaaa have THE talk". He scrunched up his face and when into pouting body language. I said it was necessary and I needed some things to be aired out for fear that my anger would suck the life out of me.

He of course had no idea I was angry whatsoever. So, I did a good job hiding it at least. He soothed many of my fears and really did a pretty good job and letting me know how he felt. Most importantly when I said to him, "is our marriage door still open in your mind, or do you see me as someone you could never marry." He replied, "why would I have you living with me and sleeping in my bed if I didn't think I might marry you someday."

Ok OK, not quite the answer I was looking for but at least I know it is something that he thinks about as a possibility in our future. Which is all I wanted clarified. There is just no way I'm going to sit around in a relationship with someone who never wants to marry or have children. These are things that are high on my priority list and if you can't do them with me, then I gotta go. Fortunately all of his thoughts and feelings on the subject were positive and seemed like my doors are all still open on his front.

sigh... I sure can work myself into a mess.

but, the love is there, and that's what is important. We love so many of the same things and truly enjoy eachothers company. When stuff happens in my life he's the first one I want to know about it. And from the look of my phone bill it's the same for him.


At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I came across your blog via comment you posted over at Everyday Stranger. From reading some of your recent posts, looks like you and I are experiencing some relationship challenges. More impotantly, looks like you are able to get some sort of release by posting on your blog. I wish I had the courage to do the same, but as my last name is my domain name, I have chosen to withhold much of the details re the relationship as people from my professional world read my blog. So I applaud you. In any event, another reason for commenting here, is that in your comment over at Everyday Stranger, you mentioned that your current firm in market research arena has an office in London. I'd love to network with you as that is an area of interest and I'm moving to London in April of this year. So if you are open to chatting via email, please reply to: Thanks in advance.


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