Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Not Right

I know... second post in a day. But I have some stuff on my mind that I HAVE to get out. I'm spinnin my wheels and it sucks.

Somethin ain't right. It feels off.

Mr. M has been rather distant in the past week. Has remained silent on many car rides and dinners. Has sat at his computer more than usual. Has been in general less forthcoming with his daily stories and agendas. Usually he's the king of the "check-in". I've never asked him to do this, he just naturally has always done it, even when we were just starting to date, I always knew where he was and what he was doing. I found comfort in the fact that he did the "check-in", that he cared about telling me what he was up to and where he was headed. I liked that he felt that I was valuable enough to have this information.

I'm seeing red flags everywhere, but they aren't blantant... they're usually hiding under things, so all I can see is the little red triangle tip peeking out at me saying "helloooo brace yourself dear".

Granted, I am the QUEEN of over reacting. I'm very good at making something out of nothing. I'm also good at sabotaging potentially happy things so that I can say "SEE I KNEW IT WOULD SUCK". This could very well be just that... but I have to air it out in words before I can stand back and decide if its another one of my grand scenes.

I feel like we aren't connecting. I've even given up trying to wrestle it out of him. I just let him sit... and then I go to bed. He usually comes meandering up sometime later, gives me a quick peck and says "ILRIEUVYER" which is I Love you, except grumbled. Then he rolls over and assumes his normal position, leg slung over his body pillow back to me. He then woke up early this morning for work (before me is rare). Gave me another peck and said have a nice day, love you. and he was gone.

The shitty feeling is that I don't know why he went in early. Was there a meeting? Training? some paper work that needed attention? Someone on graveyard that needed to by fired? I ALWAYS have known in the past. Because in the past we've always talked about our days and what was happening tomorrow.

Please tell me I'm over reacting... but if I'm not... god give me strength because this could knock me down harder than I've ever been.


At 10:13 AM, Blogger Elizabeth Blair York said...

I am going to ask the obvious question because I am teh QUEEN of obvious questions (I even have a crown)...

Have you asked him what's wrong?

The game we play with my preschooler is this: tell me 3 bad things about life right now. Tell me 3 good things about your day. Tell me 3 things you things you thhink need God's help...

It works for my husband sometimes, too.


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