Email to Dad

Can you believe I was sobbing crying and he wouldn't hold me...wouldn't comfort me. just kept accusing me of manipulation.

He actually said, "This is the same to me as you kicking your feetagainst the wall as a child and I will not let you manipulate me."

Maybe that pisses me off so much because I know its true. Maybe it pisses me off because I can't believe I have such an insensitive asshole for a boyfriend.

All I wanted him to do is tell me how he feels about me.

His words exactly, "words mean nothing, actions mean everything."

I said,"please just tell me how you feel."

He says, "I could tell you the sky is purple and it wouldn't mean anything until I showed you".

Then... he says, "I didn't know you hated me this much, why have you been with me for so long, I had no idea you were this unhappy."

Finally, when I had no tears left... I went to take a bath ... he meandered up later and asked if I was ok... gave me a kiss and went back downstairs. I don't know whether to hate him and get out as fast as I can... or love him for challenging my behaviors.

I've decided to pick up "Too Bad to Stay Too Good To Leave" on the way home.