Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Out Of Body Experience

We went straight to a restaurant after work today - it was an insane day. When we got there I was fine - I ordered too much as usual. The salad came and I devoured it. THen the entree came and I had one bite and this wave of nausea came over me.

I felt like I was inside my body looking out. LIke my hands were things that I had to really concentrate to move and as if I was peering out of my eyes from 5 feet back. THe moment was surreal and I didn't like it.

There were so many people in the restaurant and it was so loud. I felt like I was being swallowed by all these mouths and voices and people. My skin was not my own. I didn't want to eat another bite and told Mr.M I was feeling crappy.

I feel weird - very weird. I feel like there are so many things I need to feel but I can't feel them. Like I'm not in my own body. I know it has something to do with the going off BCPs and also all of the current things happening in my family right now.

Younger Sis graduated from college last weekend - and is thinking about moving in with her boyfriend.

Older bro is basically parenting his girlfriend's son and he's thinking about marriage and life.

Dad is getting married in 3 months.

Mom is craving a grandchild.

And then there is me. Not really heading in any one direction but I feel like I'm on the verge of the rest of my life. Like my toes are on the edge of the cliff.


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