Friday, November 03, 2006

Menstruation.... eeeewwww

I came from a family with very sensitive males. I've seen both my father and brother cry on more than one occasion - and it wasn't necessarily a sad one. My father especially was never left out of any conversation because it was about "girl stuff". In fact - he would on many occasions go and get our tampons at the drug store when there was an emergency. Emergency = all three women in your home having their period at the same time - two of which are teenagers. YIKES.

There was no topic that was off limits for dad. We talked freely about heavy flow, light flow, cramps, tampon sizes, and in my sisters case ovarian cysts. He didn't flinch. He took my sister to the ER more than one time because she was doubled over in pain from the cyst that had decided to place itself on her ovary and make it nearly impossible to bear the cramps.

I remember distinctly that dad was very angry that the Dr. tried to brush him off by saying "Sir you wouldn't understand - it's woman problems" when dad asked about my sisters diagnoses.

That being said it's a wonder I ended up with the most squeamish man alive when it comes to all things female related. Period a little heavy?? Please don't mention it. Cramps unbearable?? That's fine - just don't say why. Need a tampon and you're in the downstairs bathroom??? He'd rather have bamboo shoots drove into his fingernails than here you ask for one. It skeeves him out heavily to hear anything related to menstruation or vaginas. He jokes that when we have children he'll be in the lobby handing out cigars. I laugh - because I know there AIN'T NO DAMN WAY that is gonna happen.

My period was due yesterday (I've been tracking my cycles and been off the pill since May) according to my average 27 day cycle. We did play "maybe baby" twice this month - both during likely ovulation times. We're of the belief that at this point it would be great to get pregnant and get a month jump start - he is forty ya know, times a wastin.

So I've been on panty patrol since yesterday. Wiping like a finatic. Inspecting closely - is that blood?? is there a drop there??

I made the mistake of muttering this to myself when I snapped off the light in the bathroom. All I said was "jeeeez I've become an insane wiper." He gave me the hand in the air gesture of PLEASE GOD I don't want to know.

This worries me for a few reasons. The first being that I want my future daughters (possibly) to be able to have the same comfort level with their dad as I did with mine. I am also quite concerned about his skeeve threshold when I actually do get pregnant or give birth. If he can't even touch a tampon what is the likelihood that he'll be able to grab my foot and help me push a bowling ball out of the lime sized opening that is my birth canal.

Guess only time will tell.

Oh - and I'll keep you updated on the great wiping frenzy of 2006 but I've made the decision to not pee on a stick till after the wedding. (3! weeks)


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