The Goblins

The Halloween evening for us is always fun. We live in a cozy little neighborhood that is well lit. The houses are close together and the blocks are square. The sidewalks are wide and the leaves have been swept away.

Mr. M was especially looking forward to the Halloween festivities because this was his first year being home and not traveling for work. In the almost 3 years since we’ve owned this house I’ve been doing the candy handouts solo. Which I don’t mind – I get a kick out of it.

We turned on our Halloween CD that is a compilation of scary orchestral and organ pieces from numerous operas and other odds and ends. No “Monster Mash” at our house thank you very much. The jack-o-lanterns were lit and the candy cauldron full to the brim.

In general we get approximately 50 – 75 kids. So we have to get about 10 bags of candy because we’re “handful people” not “pick one people”. I just can’t handle the sad little plunk of one piece of candy in the bag. I like the impact of CURRRRRPLUNK of about 4 – 8 pieces.

I’ve noticed a trend over the years with trick-or-treaters. Generally around 5:30 we get the little teenie tiny goblins with the fairy wings and the insulated pumpkin costumes. With their rosie cheeks and noses you could just eat them up they are so adorable. I love the 5:30 goblins – they rock.

Then around 7:00 we get the 8 – 12 year old goblins with the scary witch costumes or the “fart-o-meter” costume. Which, yes, I really did have one of those. They’re having a good time. I don’t mind them and they are always very polite. This crowd loves the music we play. They always say “Is it your house that has the music? Where is it coming from? COOOL!” Rock on 7:00 goblins.

At about 8:00 I’m eyeing the clock trying to decide whether or not I should turn off the lights – even though I have candy left. I don’t like giving candy to the 15+ group. Unless, they are fully costumed – then by all means have a handful. The voices start to get lower the costumes start looking strangely like the clothes they wore to school that day. I was standing at the door calling out the outfits I saw to Mr. M. I said, “We have a witch, a scary face guy, a errrr ummmm workout person, and ummm errr a skateboarder with no candy bag. Who by the way, opened the front pocket on his hoodie sweatshirt so I could drop the candy in.

My hand stopped mid-air:
Me: where’s your bag?
Skater Dude: On my back (pointing to obviously his school backpack)
Me: why aren’t you holding it out then?
Skater Dude: It’s too much work to take it off everytime (as he takes his bag off his back relunctantly)
Me: Well – I don’t think I put candy into sweatshirt pockets so you better think of something.
Skater Dude: (wrestles with the zipper on his bag that just won’t seem to open all the way for some reason – maybe because he’s hiding the toilet paper in their for when he trashes my house later)
Me: (drops one piece of crappy peanut butter taffy chew into his cavernous backpack through an opening that isn’t big enough for a tootsie roll.)
Me: get yourself a bag and a costume or don’t bother
Skater Dude: (Shrugs and runs off to his friends that deserted him at the bitchy old hag’s house)

If you don’t want to dress up anymore because you think it’s “childish” or “dumb” then don’t trick-or-treat. Really, it’s no fun for anybody when you ruin it for the little kids. Also, I’ve found it is WAY more fun to experience Halloween as an adult. The little goblins come to YOU in the warmth of your own home while you eat bags and bags of your own candy. I mean, I didn’t do that or anything, I’m just saying.