Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Intake Please

I am a wacked out girl. I have never met someone to have the mood swings that I do. On Monday I wrote the previous post. Pain and suffering to the nth degree. Then I go home last night bake a mock up wedding cake for dad’s wedding and some pototato chip cookies that Mr. M has been wanting.

Here I am this morning on my way to work actually looking at the list of therapists I found and thinking – well it’s not THAT bad. I forced myself to make the call anyway. I called the clinic that the 3 women therapists that I saw online who offered “relationship and couples treatment”. First I got the main number

“How may I direct your call?”

“Intake please”

[transfers – listen to elevator music]

“Scheduling – how may I help you?”

“ I need to make an appointment to see a therapist and I have 3 possible names I’d like to check availability of.”

“You need to talk to Mental Health – I’ll transfer you”

[more elevator music]

“Mental Health – how may I help you?”

“Hi – I would like to make an appointment with a therapist”

“Have you been to us before?”

“No – but I have a list of people I’d like to see.”

“Oh – well you’ll need to speak with intake. One moment please.”

[elevator – you get the point]

“Intake – how may I help you?”

“I would like to make an appointment to see a therapist and I have the names of 3 possibilities.”

“What’s your insurance?”


“You should call them first to see if you’re covered”

“ I know I’m covered for 45 visits a year for behavioral health.”

“Yes, but they sometimes only cover some people on our staff – you really should call and check first.”

“Ok – thanks”

Then of course I had to press a zillion buttons on my “touch tone phone” in order to talk to a real person. In the end I found out that 2 out of my 3 choices were covered.

So I called back

“Hello – how may I direct your call”

[I thought I had them figured out this time!]

“Mental Health Intake please.”

[lalallalalalall elevator]

“Mental health how may I help you?”

“I would like to make an appointment to see a therapist.”

“Have you been to us before?”

“No – bu..”

“Then you’ll have to talk to intake – one minute please”

“but I thought you were..”


“Intake – how may I help you?”

“Therapist… please… appointment… err ughh blah”

“Did you check to see if your insurance would cover them?”


“Who would you like to see?”

“Nancy Helpsalot please”

“She doesn’t have any openings till March 21 – will that be ok?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“I can put you on the cancellation call list”

“Please do – and keep me for the March 21st as well.”

So I made the appointment. It took me 45 minutes, but I did it. Just think how awful it must be for those who have severe depression and can’t focus longer than a minute at a time. I think the process alone has sent me back into depression.


At 5:34 PM, Blogger angela said...

oh my goodness I know you didnt want comments on your last section but you could be my long lost twin. I have a mr C though not a mr H and after almost four years he says he may marry me when I am nicer?! Good luck with the therapy that is just unacceptable they put you through that its their job to see what therapist your insurance may accept not yours! Geesh

At 6:53 PM, Blogger Rhonda said...

Good for you making that appointment, in spite of how dumb their phone system seems to be.

At 6:53 PM, Anonymous Amy said...

I have you in my thoughts. Sounds cheesy, but oh well!

At 12:03 AM, Blogger Yuli said...

og my goodness.. those phone transfer s are inhumane.. whomever design those system must not know the patients' pain


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