Keep Your Hands and Legs Inside the Ride At All Times

The wedding is a mere week away at this point and with Mr.M being gone all week I’ve been an absolute psychotic woman. One day I’m getting teary eyed trying to memorize my vows the next I’m sobbing because OMG I just know that I’m not really pregnant or worse I will lose the child.

My uncle’s girlfriend called me the other night. I don’t want to give the impression that we are close by any means. We see each other at holidays and family gatherings but I don’t have her email address and we have never spoken on the phone. They’ve been dating for about 2 years I think.

She owns her own photography studio and does a LOT of studio work. I had asked my uncle if she would be up for taking some candid black and white shots while the girls are getting ready. She apologized because she thinks she’s not going to be able to make it to the wedding. Which is fine – especially when people give me enough notice to adjust the total count for the caterer.

She said that she will be picking up her daughter in Minneapolis that day at the airport and won’t be able to make it back down in time for the wedding. Also, she added, that she hasn’t been feeling so hot lately and has lost 10 pounds. Normally I’d say – 10 lbs! good for you!!! This woman, however, is extremely thin as it is and I would probably say needs to GAIN 10 lbs not lose it. I asked her what was wrong – has she had the flu?

She said she had a miscarriage a week ago and it was hitting her pretty hard.

My stomach was in my throat as I squeaked out a “oh I’m so sorry”. She said it wasn’t her first – she’s had 5 miscarriages, 2 now with my uncle. Which – RED FLAG – you’re trying to have kids??? This guy is a bachelor for life – he’s nearly 50 and is not and never was interested in marriage or kids. I tried to hold it together and asked her if her OB and her and figured out why she’s having trouble carrying to term. Apparently she can’t produce progesterone on her own and needs to basically know immediately when she is pregnant so she can start taking supplements. If she takes it too soon her body won’t allow her to get pregnant – it’s a nasty catch 22.

I asked her how far along she was and she said 5 weeks.

5 weeks

The exact place I was a week ago.

I asked her if she was experiencing any morning sickness and she said no. That she knows when she’s not going to keep the baby because she doesn’t get sick.

I haven’t gotten sick.

I found the best way I could to exit the phone call and called Mr. M in a panic. He was at a business dinner in Vegas and was unable to calm me. He said they were waiting for him and the server had just come to take orders, and “can you hang on baby – I promise we’ll talk about this in a few hours, just think positive.”

I called my lovely friend and bridesmaid Jessie. She soothed me and gave me an over the phone petting of the hair. She said, “you can’t control this Suz, it’s one of the many things you’re going to have to just let happen.” She’s right. I am a control freak – I will do it myself even if I run myself ragged just so I know it’s done right. I’m a project manager! Project managers are full of neurosis – it’s practically in the job description.

At the beginning of the call I was sobbing – at the end my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. These women who hold me up are more than I ever thought I deserved and way more than I ever thought I’d get to have.

So it’s been a tough week – but I survived it. Mr.M is getting off the plane at 9:35 tonight. My boss is throwing me yet another shower after work. It’s meant to be a happy hour celebration – so that’ll be interesting. Another stealthful operation of NA drinks. I’d like to get married now please.