Tuesday, November 14, 2006

You'll Understand Someday

I don't even really know what to say right now. I'm in the hugest shock of my life. The bachelorette party was so anxiety ridden I was gagging in the toilet at 10:30 and I hadn't drank a drop.

I was so worried about how to handle the bachelorette - with good reason. I didn't want to tell people that I was pregnant, not yet at least. What made it more difficult is that I had my boss there, my sister, my step-mom, and my dad showed later in the night. My family and my work on the people I want to save from telling them this early.

I want to be able to celebrate my wedding day for what it is - a marriage to the man of my dreams, the man of my life. I don't want it to be about a baby, not yet. I'm happy, I really am - I'm just too stressed to deal with it right now.

I told my two best girlfriends because they knew I was late on my period and were calling me daily for an update. I also desperately need their support and encouragement. We came up with a plan at our impromptu lunch on Saturday. We decided that whatever bar/restaurant we ended up at they would snag the bartender/server away from where everyone was and tell them that the girl with the tiara gets NA drinks - no matter what she orders.

Throughout the evening I had 2 vodka tonics (sprite w/lime), 2 vodka cranberries (cranberry w/tonic water), and a lemon drop shot (exceedingly sweet lemonade). My sister was so dissappointed in me because I got tired at 11 and wanted to go home to Mr.M. All I could say to her was "you'll understand someday". Which pissed her off more because she thought I was saying that she would understand when she gets married. Like I was being incredibly condescending.

The truth is - I'm anxiety ridden. Mr. M is in vegas for a work convention and has been gone since Sunday morning at 4:00 am. My boobs hurt, my stomach has been squeezing the life out of me, and I've had some SERIOUS diarrhea. Sorry, I'm sure that's TMI. My nipples are constantly hard and hurt like hell. I called the Dr. hoping to be able to get an appt to confirm the pregnancy. They said they don't usually see people till 10 - 12 weeks because then they can hear a heartbeat at that time.


HOLY CRAP PEOPLE. Please tell me I'm not the only woman who has ever felt this way. I feel like I'm the only one who has found out they were pregnant BEFORE the morning sickness started. I'm having trouble breathing and I'm having even more trouble thinking. Every thought of everyday is dominated by pregnancy or wedding.

I know I'll survive but this is so un-believeable.


At 6:44 AM, Anonymous Sara said...

I'm just a random lurker, who browses through :)

I'm sure you'll hear a lot more of this, but you are not alone! I found out about my pregnancy last year before my morning sickness too! I don't know why I even took a pregnancy test, it was just an idea that I couldn't quite seem to shake. And it said POSITIVE? I couldn't even stand up, because other than being tired and achy and generally feeling kind of blah, there was puking or other indication, and it was such a suprise.

I just wanted you to know you aren't the only woman to feel this way! I'm sure those words don't make you any less stressed. Your day will be beautiful, and once you are all finished up with that, then you will be able to think about your pregnancy!
Congratulations on everything :)

At 8:11 AM, Blogger kimmykins13 said...

I was kind of wondering how you were going to keep it a secret (without some difficulty) with a bachelorette party in the works. I figured you would probably have to tell your best friends. That was a good plan you all came up with re: the bartender and the NA drinks. Who would know?
I was pregnant once. I had the worst morning sickness ever and very early on in the stage of the game. I had the same problems with my boobs as you are having now. I do know how you feel. Unfortunately my pregancy did not come to fruition. I'm ok with that although it was very hard at the time. I'm sure that you are just experiencing normal feelings and effects. Compounded with the stress they may just seem a little worse than they are because you are emotional right now. It will be all right though. I think you are right to make the wedding about the two of you. What a nice Christmas surprise your family will have! And it right around the corner.

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Eyes said...

Okay, take a deep breath here! There isn't so much to be afraid of except FEAR ITSELF, my dear.

Do this: Write down a list of all your fears. Then next to them write down all the WORSE potential outcomes of your fears.

Now look at them with sane eyes -- logical eyes -- are the worst outcomes really that bad????

I think not!

I think you are worried half to death people will judge you and judge you harshly -- as if everyone else on the planet is PERFECT. Gah, not!!! They all get up and put on underwear just like you do everyday, they've all made mistakes, etc.

You are human. Embrace your frailty as a human. You are not a machine. The sooner you do -- the sooner everyone else will too.

Be you and forget about everyone else!

At 9:13 PM, Blogger ang said...

I have 4 children each pregnancy was diffrent. The last three I didnt have morning sickness. The first one I was sick for the first three months straight. Dont worry :) Your doctor wont see you till 10-12 weeks did they atleast call in a script for prenatal pills? Oh and congrats!


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