Cakes and Flakes

I'm working a 1/2 day at work today and then rushing home for a anxiety ridden afternoon. I am creating my first wedding cake from scratch. I've decorated a few cakes since my classes and they have turned out ok. You can still tell I'm a rookie though.

The strange thing about creating a wedding cake for someone is that I know how important it would be to me to have it look flawlessly beautiful so the pressure to not screw it up is almost unbearable. Who knows, maybe I've got it all wrong and the cake is the last of your worries on the day you're pledging your life to your spouse.

I've done a practice cake, made some changes, messed with the filling to get it just right, and now here I am. The wedding is tomorrow and I couldn't sleep last night because I was frosting cakes in my brain. I'm constantly thinking of ways to make it look better or go smoother.

Transporting the cakes is a bit of a concern as well. I've got two big plastic bins with lids. One is the kind you slide under your bed to store sweaters and stuff. That holds both the 16" cake and the 8" cake. The other one is the perfect size for the 12" cake. I have no-slip drawer liner to put in the bottom of the bins as to avoid smashing the flawless frosting (who am I kidding!). I'm also gonna lay towels over the bins in my trunk and cover them with bags of ice to hopefully avoid the bulging of the sides of the cake when the inside starts to melt.

Speaking of the filling - you want to know what my brilliant idea was?? Of course you do. I took lemon curd and home made whipped cream and folded them together making a sort of lemon mousse sort of thing. It's light, refreshing and not too sweet. I think cakes can get a little over the top if all the textures are too heavy and all the tastes are insanely sweet. Makes one want to eat a chunk of sharp cheddar.

So wish me luck on my cake endeavors.

My friend Jessie is coming to visit at noon for lunch and I'll take a break from my frostings to walk downtown (2 blocks) and have a bite to eat with my long time friend whom I haven't seen in going on two years.

She is my only link to Emily and I wish she didn't have to be in the middle of that. Especially since she seems to think it's her personal task to get us speaking again. I tell her all the time to not try so hard for something that is not going to be saved and yet she plugs along trying to pull us kicking and screaming to each other.

I will get to see her wedding pictures which I've been wanting to see for 2 years now. No, I didn't go to her wedding. Yes, it was because I wanted to avoid conflict at her wedding. I really was just trying to let them have a nice time instead of coming in and ruining everybodies day by showing up. I sent her a lovely bouquet of flowers with a card that hopefully expressed my love for her and congratulations on her special day.

Jessie said she talked to Emily about me last week and she seemed to be receptive to giving me a call. Problem is, I don't know how I feel about this.

I'm really hurt and angry about that situation still.

I know from the past that if I just try to reconnect with her for the sake of missing "us" a little that all the resentment I've had comes flooding back and ruins it again. I'm pissed she never called. I'm pissed she didn't respond to my letters. I'm pissed she didn't tell me about her baby boy or her pregnancy, I'm pissed she didn't even send an invitation. To be honest, I wouldn't have gone - but I'm pissed all the same.

I'd hate for Jessie to be caught in the middle of my anger and Emily's ambivalence. It's just not fair to her sweet little soul.


ps. I'm off for the weekend to deliver my surely demolished wedding cakes. Be back Monday!