Ok so blogger doesn't support trackback... so I can't do what I wanted to do, which was link to an old post I had written about Emily so everyone had some background. It was posted July 28th if you're curious. FIDDLESTICKS I tell you fiddlesticks.
UPDATE - http://womanhearmerant.blogspot.com/2005/07/dreams-of-emily.html - here is a link to the previous post.
Thank you www.cursingmama.blogspot.com you rule!
On the way home from work yesterday I had the urge to call my friend Jessie whom I haven't spoken to in a year. Jessie is this kind hearted soul who's father died while she was a freshman in college and she got married last year at the age of 22. She's always been wise beyond her years, patient, and loving of all people. I guess that's why she became a nurse for terminal ill elderly people. If I were dying I would want Jessie to care for me, she has a way of maintaining one's dignity.
So I called her because I had this overwhelming feeling that she was pregnant. I don't know why. I left her a message stating just that, "Hi it's me, haven't talked to you in forever but I had an instinct that you were pregnant, call me back and tell me if I win a prize."
She called back ten minutes later screaming that if I just jinxed her and she is now pregnant that I am sooooo dead. hehehe.
We talked for a good half hour, catching up on our lives and such. Jessie has stayed in contact with Emily my ex-bestfriend and only soulmate I've known (pre-Mr.M). Emily and I have had one rough ride as friends. We currently aren't speaking due to the fact that she got married, didn't invite me and then got pregnant and didn't tell me. We haven't spoken for 2 years.
So towards the end of our conversation I casually said, "so how's Emily, still pregnant?" To which Jessie responded, "Oh he's doing great".
That's right people. She had her baby last week. That impulse to call due to pregnancy wasn't about Jessie, it was about Emily. She had Clayton last week via emergency C-Section. Apparently my dear old friend pushed and pushed and the boy just wouldn't budge. I bet she was so scared. The boy weighed 9 pounds and some change.
I'm angry I'm overjoyed I'm saddened I'm tingly I'm on the verge of tears writing this
So when am I going to let go and close the book. I always think I have done it and then I hear more news and it brings it all back.
I apologized to Jessie for always putting her in the middle of us. I told her I was sorry for bringing it up and that it wasn't fair to her.
At that moment my sweet little friend said some important words to me.
"Thanks for making the first call Suzanne. That's a thing that a lot of people can't do and I want you to know I recognize it, it's not your fault."
I wanted to burst into tears. I thought all my efforts were only acknowledged by Mr.M and myself. I thought that the letters I sent, the emails I wrote, and the calls I made to reconnect were either never read or discarded. That one statement from Jessie made me realize that my extended palm branches were received, they were discussed, and they were real.
So why do I still feel so sad?