I've been thinking for days about how I could put into words the events of last weekend. I've come up with nothing and everything. The day is flipping through my memory like a filmstrip stopping on different moments each time.
For those of you who told me to be careful what I wish for on the morning sickness front – you were of course right as hell. God watched over me through Saturday evening and most of the day Sunday. My head was in my mother's toilet by Sunday evening which brought on huge raised eyebrows from her. I didn't lie – but I didn't fess up. I just shrugged and kept on puking.
Mr. M had this fantastic trip to Chicago planned – with a stay in an amazingly beautiful hotel. He asked me if I still wanted to go – I said I'd give it a go. Nobody told me that car sickness would be my worst enemy. I found that sleeping or at least keeping my eyes closed was the best remedy. My back hurt something fierce so I wrapped myself in Mr. M's body pillow that he doesn't leave home without and it worked for lumbar support.
The wedding day as a whole was nothing I can explain completely. I woke up and didn't really FEEL like I was getting married today. I even got my hair done and didn't feel much – the veil went on the makeup looked lovely – still nothing. I got to the church and was telling my girlfriends – that I think something is wrong with me because I don't feel anything. They just smirked and said, "not yet". I put the dress on – and nothing… once again my girls said "not yet". I took pictures – and nothing, not even a nervous squiggle in my tummy. I took the dress off again and wore my friend's black trench coat with nothing under it – which made for some pretty funny pictures pre-wedding.
I put the dress back on – I was to walk up the stairs in 10 minutes- and I still didn't feel like I was getting married. I walked up the stairs and my parents, his parents, and the bridal party was there (minus the boys of course). Then – I lost it. I started to have an anxiety attack. I immediately whirled around and had Emy and Jess stand in front of me making a little circle. They just had me breath slowly, got me to stop crying. Relaxed me until I was ready to face everyone again. When I did – I was fine.
The processional music started. The flower girl apparently did an amazingly good job with the flowers and was very precise about her flower placement because people were laughing. Then my girls went, then my cousin and brother, then my sister. Then the doors closed and I got in place.
I waited for my processional music to start – the doors flung open Dad held strong – not wavering. Mr. M lost it – seriously and completely lost it – blubbering, sobbing, gasping, and smiling all at once. All I could do was smile and cry myself. I floated through the ceremony until the vows. The vows – my God – the vows. It was the most un-believable moment of my life. I have never seen into someone's soul until that moment. There was no one else in the room for all we knew. I was told later by so many that they were the most amazing vows they had ever heard. Really – they were pretty basic I think – but it was the moment and the sincerity that got me.
We took more pictures and then were off to the reception. I've told people that I had an exceedingly traditional Lutheran ceremony and an exceedingly Jewish reception. We did the Horah, we went up in chairs (the whole while Mr. M is giving orders to this groomsmen through clenched teeth – DO NOT drop my pregnant wife!), we cut the "cake" (more like ripped a ding dong apart), I tossed the bouquet (it was an all out grudge match!), and we danced and danced. Words cannot describe the love and happiness in that room that night. Every picture has people grinning from ear to ear.
I crashed hard afterwards – took a nearly 3 hour nap on Sunday then took two naps on Monday. I kept apologizing to Mr. M for being such a party pooper – he was such a darling, never once complaining or being let down. Every morning since we've been back he's made me a toasted English muffin with peanut butter on it (it seems to be the only breakfast item that sounds remotely appetizing and staves off the vomiting).
I am trying to make it through work days and have become exceedingly reserved and withdrawn. I'm concentrating on how to schedule my eating so not to be sick at work and also not fall asleep at my desk.
I'm at 8 weeks pregnant and almost 1 week married – could there be a luckier girl in the world?