Wednesday, December 14, 2005

We Like You - But Only .07%

Not sure if I mentioned this before but I had my 1 year anniversary at work on Nov. 29th. Since it has been an insanely hectic fourth quarter in our department I figured they'd get around to my review and pending title promotion and possible raise in a few weeks.

I worked hard - ooooh did I ever. I flew to Chicago, Los Angeles, and back home all while being deathly ill. I worked 3 studies at once while on the road. I completed things no human could ever do under the circumstances. When I returned a day early from my travels and was offered a free day off - I showed up anyway and powered through. I worked weekends and long hours.

I was like Vincent Wolf from Pulp Fiction. I would swoop in and fix whatever catastrophe had taken place in a cool and collected way. I was the wolf. I had finally achieved a level of knowledge in my job where people ask me what I would do in my "expert opinion".

Secretly I'm wondering when I'm going to be found out. I'm always wondering when they are finally going to figure out that I know absolutely nothing and have been faking it this whole time. FOOOOOOLED YOU!

My coworker who has been at the job exactly 6 months longer than I have, received her promotion to "Senior PoopyPants" back in June. I'm only assuming that this was accompanied with a well deserved raise. However I have no true knowledge of this since unlike my previous place of employment people keep the private things private here.

Knowing this I only assumed I would be taking the role of "Senior Poopypants" along with her at my one year mark. I have been meeting and exceeding all tasks and goals in my path and have thought (modestly) that I should be adding to the mundane "Poopypants" title and putting a lovely "Senior" in front of it. I also assumed that I too would receive a small financial token from my employer as a pat on the back for a job well done and a "please stay a while" message attached.

What I received was none of these things.

I did not receive:

A Review
"Senior Poopypants"
A Raise
A Promotion

However do not fret - I did receive something! Oh yes, my dear readers I received something indeed!

25 American Express Points

Do you know what that is?

Neither did I. So I went to the website the little envelope instructed me to and found that LUCKY ME! I had received a gift of 25 Points! And you want to know what 25 points is?????

1 point = 1 dollar

Which also equals .07% of my salary. What's that??? A Raise you say?? Oh no my friend. This is a one time gift from my oh so grateful company. Who scrawled across the top of the envelope in some secretary's perfect penmenship:

"Suzanne Neal 1 YR 11/29"


PS. If anyone has figured out what I make in a year from the above percentage. You too should be feeling my pain at this moment.


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