Monday, September 19, 2005

Shut Yo' Mouth

Attending the second wedding of my uncle this last weekend with Mr. M in toe brought up some awkward situations for both of us. I'll just give you the list:

  • Grandma is about to snap a picture of us and says "SMILE, your next!" except that the smile part was happy and joyful while the 'your next part was matter o' fact like you better get to it buddy.
  • Mom accidentally introduces us like this: "this is my daughter Suzanne and her husband Mr. M. OH NO, I mean... err.. sorry boyfriend!" and yes it was an actual freudian slip and no she didn't plan it. Yes, Mr. M had a heart attack and clutched his chest instinctively. Everyone thought it was funny but I could feel the weight of my entire family slide onto his shoulders.
  • I jokingly reminded the bride that she forgot to toss the bouquet. Then we staged a funny scene where I was the only one to catch the bouquet in the entire room. Everyone laughed. Mr. M demanded a re-toss.
  • On the ride home we were listening to "The Innocence Mission" one of our favorite bands. They sing this one song called "My Waltzing Days" and I love it. I said half asleep holding his hand, "when we get married can this be the song we dance to." He immediately pulled his hand away and the body language was not so good. not so good at all.

If I could just keep my mouth shut for a day, a week, a month etc etc then maybe these things would happen at their own pace. Instead I have to bring it up all the time. Not as if I'm pointedly trying to pressure him. It's more that it's just on my mind and to not talk about it would be to stifle my stream of consciousness.

I feel bad for him. I feel like my family and I have put him in a situation where he can't win. If he asks me now then it's not sincere (at least that's how I think he feels) and if he doesn't ask me he continues to get pressure.

I need to shut my mouth is what I need to do. Just let it be and stop talking about it to him alltogether. He needs a moment of peace. I've done this in the past, problem is - he rarily notices that I'm going out of my way to not talk about it. At one point I went like 6 months not mentioning it. Yesterday he said, "you've talked about babies or marriage every day of the last 2 years."

Guess how long we've been dating?

That's right... 2 years.

I can't win.


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