Sunday, June 05, 2005

Is It Just Me?

The meeting with my freshman year roommate was yesterday. We talked about what's been happening in our lives for the last 7 years for about 3 hours. When she left, I had a bad taste in my mouth so to speak.

The reason I left my first college was complicated as I described in the previous post it was an extremely difficult time in my life. My parents, who had been married for 25 years announced there plans to divorce. I realized I was no longer the big fish I thought I was academically, musically or socially. Bigger pond = exceedingly more fish. I was in a bad place socially because I was on my radical feminist kick. I literally felt A-sexual that year. I think I even stopped masturbating. WHOA!

So I thought the reason I disliked all the girls I met that year because I was out of whack. I thought that maybe it was my depression, anxiety, and over zealous idealism that was making me feel like I was a square peg being jammed in a round hole.

After talking with Angie... I realized... It wasn't just me.

She told me about where all those girls are now and sadly... they are just where I left them. They are obsessed with shallow things like "how hot is your boyfriend, my boyfriend is totally hot" "how much did that purse cost, is it Coach?!?" "are you guys gonna start getting ready to go out tonight, it's already 2 in the afternoon!" "I just ate so much I have to go puke" etc etc. You get the picture. Not the most deep women in the world.

I remember being embarrassed to admit they were a part of my gender. Embarrassed of the statement they were making about women all over the world. That we're interested in how skinny we are, what brand of jeans we're wearing, what social status we have, and how blonde we can get our hair.

Angie confirmed for me that those things I felt that year were real. That I still feel that way, that I'm still embarrassed to share a gender group with them.

One girl's story in particular really got me. She was always the ring leader of this "cool group of girls". Although I was always a part of it something about it always made me ill. She had severe bulimia. Now I'm not knocking people who suffer from this horrible affliction, don't get me wrong. But this girl used to exploit it. She used to not hide it, like an attention thing. She used to convince others to use her same method. It was sick, and awful.

It turns out that this girl now has, fake boobs, fake nails, fake color contacts, a fake tan, and hair extensions. Sounds to me like she's so repulsed by herself that she wants to cover up everything that might be her true self.

Long story short... she married right after college, had the biggest most expensive wedding possible. She cheated on her husband for the entire first year of their marriage. She then told him she wanted a divorce and moved into another one of her groupie girl's houses. Then... a week later... her husband died in his sleep!! It was preventable if she would have been there, he may not have died. She took the life insurance check and flew to Chicago to meet her new boyfriend a week after the funeral.

This is just a taste of how shallow and awful these women are.

I then asked Angie how she can be around this girl and act like everything is ok. She looked at me seriously and flat out said, "If I stop talking to Katie, I lose all my friends, you can't pick and chose in my group of friends who you like and who you don't like."

Excuse me... but let me take this moment to thank the lord above that I was raised with enough balls to be able to not EVER have to say that sentence ever in my life. I will NEVER condone that kind of dishonesty or lack of integrity.

I told Angie to go ahead and give me a call next time she goes out and maybe I'd join. But to be honest... if any of those girls were there... I wouldn't be able to control the things that would fly out of my mouth. I pity them, I really do.

Did I mention I love my life! Just another reason to add to the pile... I was brought up with values and the knowledge that I would have to live with myself when I went to bed at night.



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