Words Cannot Describe
Mr. M made me call the Dr., and so did Emy - but whatever. The reason I was avoiding this call is because how dumb would I sound when I said to the OB Nurse "I'm pregnant and I feel just awful."
The response would probably be dead air or a hang up at best.
I thought this is just the deal - I've been reading some of my favorite bloggers archives around the time they were in the first trimesters with their babies trying to find common ground. Everyone describes nausea but nobody really says that they are heaving over the toilet 2 - 4 times a day. I don't get it - am I the only one who actually vomits?? Everyone I've talked to says - they FELT nauseous but never actually threw anything up.
To which I say - THANK YOU - and aren't you the LUCKIEST butthole* ever in the world.
Where was I - duurrrrrr, oh yea the nurse.
So the nurse gave me lots of "you poor thing's" and "aaaahhh I'm sorry"s. So that was nice. However, all she could do for me was ask me to describe my symptoms which are:
- Throwing up - anywhere from 1 - 5 times a day, morning, noon, night etc
- Swollen belly
- No poop
- Exhaustion - after 10 hours of sleep one would think you've slept enough - one would be wrong!
- Loss of appetite
- Stinky pee
- Pulling sensations in my abdomen when I sneeze,cough, laugh, or vomit
- Extremely strong gag reflex - try throwing up WHILE brushing your teeth.
Then she rattled off a laundry list of tips for me to do. First and foremost she said STOP taking the vitamins. Those horse pills are what are causing me to not be able to poop and could be adding to my sickness. She told me to get some plain old folic acid supplements and B6 supplements. Only to take them from now on till I see the Dr. Which if you're playing along at home isn't for another 2 weeks!
She mentioned all the standard stuff - crackers, dry foods, lots of small meals, drink lots of water, etc etc. To which I basically guffawed - like I haven't TRIED all that. Then she suggested some things I haven't tried: peppermint tea, mints, hard candies, and gum.
One scary element to the call was the "if you're not feeling better in three days you'll need to come in to get some IV fluids - because you're most likely dehydrated".
Yes - I realize that is probably not good to be a pregnant lady who fears needles and pain to the point of self induced panic. I'm working on it - as I'm also working on not being so dramatic about this. I'm trying to be as un-dramatic as possible about being sick. I'm trying to take it in stride - so what - I threw up - no big deal, back to work. But, it's hard for me... WHIIIIINNNNEEE CRRYYYYY BITTTTCH. I'm such a baby - I wanna slap myself and say "BUCK UP CHICKY!" But I can't muster the strength to even kick my own ass.
My house is in shambles. The laundry hasn't been done since before the wedding, the presents are all over the living room, Mr. M is not eating well AT ALL because I can't bare to cook with all those awful smells, and it's a pig sty. At the end of each day I say "today you will complete one task when you get home" then I puke on the ride home and fall onto the couch like a ton of bricks and usually fall asleep till Mr. M comes home an hour later.
Why doesn't anyone have the magic answer - the magic pill - something MAGIC DAMNIT!
*butthole is a highly under-used word and Mr.M and I have decided to make a serious effort to bring it back