Sunday, May 15, 2005

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

One of the many friend's of Mr. M is visiting us from Seattle. Like most of Mr. M's friends he too has a level of social ineptness.

Let's call him, Gary.

Gary is 32 years old, works at the public utilities department out in Washington and he's worked there for 12 years. He's 32. I would venture to guess he's a 32 year old virgin and probably never been on a proper date with a woman. About 6 months ago he fell in love with a girl. Trouble was, it was truly a girl. His best friends daughter, she's 18. He started seeing signs in music and in things she would do that pointed him to the SURE truth that she felt the same way.

say it with me now people... WTF!

So he told the poor child and I do mean child about his undying love and she reacted just how I thought she would. She freaked out. She's never had a boyfriend and not exactly the social queen herself so this was extremely frightening for her I'm sure.

He went in to deep depression, listening to a handful of songs over and over again by himself, never leaving the house. He lost 60 pounds (which is good but not a healthy way). He played online poker non-stop and babbled on to Mr. M about the girl that got away endlessly.

He came to visit us and Mr. M asked me if I would take him shopping for a new wardrobe. For two reasons. The first one being that he does dress pretty awful. But the clothes definitely match the man. He wears tapered tight jeans that go to his ankles, scrubby tennis shoes (the only shoes he owns), t-shirts that say things like "I'd rather be fishing", the largest glasses I've ever seen, and an over grown goatee. The second reason being that he had lost such a significant amount of weight that everything he owned was baggy.

So we went out on our trek for a new wardrobe. After some serious arm twisting he tried on and bought 2 pairs of dress pants (khaki and black) and 2 pairs of gap jeans. 2 button up crisp shirts, a pair of square toed black dress shoes, dress socks, and new glasse. OH and a new wallet to replace the velcro one he's had for 20 years. The grand total was 700 dollars. I was pretty proud of myself when we got him all dressed up in his new clothes. He actually looked somewhat attractive.
Unfortunately I couldn't talk him into getting rid of the circa 1990 goatee. But, I pick my battles wisely and merely planted the seed that he may want to think about getting rid of that.

We went out to listen to some live music and my friend Nene met us. This is the moment that I realized you can take the dork OFF of the boy but you can't take the dork OUT of the boy.

He proceeded to try and take pictures with his cell phone of everything that walked by, he attempted to take a picture of Nene to which she told him flat out to knock it the fuck off. She ain't shy. He had drink after drink which is fine... have fun!

Except if your 32 and act like a complete ass when you drink and don't know how to be a normal person. He put ice in Mr. M's coffee while snorting and belly laughing (cause yea, that's really funny, NOT). Then his voice got about 20 notches louder and he would say "HEY HOMER CHECK HER OUR!!" He calls Mr. M Homer. Finally I had to say "GARY, excuse me but do you MIND! I am sitting right here and although you might be on the prowl you are sitting next to my BOYFRIEND! So knock it off!" That was the last of that.

All in all... I realized, you really can't judge a book by it's cover because in most cases it's just a shiny paper cover and underneath it will always be the same - words and character.


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